Cagle World

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

To say the news coming out of the Gulf is not what you call encouraging is like saying it’s been a rough week for Dennis Hopper. And it’s making people crazy. No. Really. Crazy. Louisiana native and Democratic strategist James Carville went off on the President like a string of overstuffed firecrackers in a pot-bellied stove. And for Carville to savage the leader of his own party either means he’s mad as hell and can’t take it anymore or his wife Mary Matalin’s naggingly oppressive monotonic brain-washing has achieved full saturation. I would hazard a bit of both.

Cartoon by Taylor Jones - Cagle Cartoons (click to reprint)

You got Republicans calling for domestic government intervention. While on the other side of Loopyville, some Dems are screaming for the military to take over. What the hell do they expect the Army to be able to do that BP can’t, shoot it? Surround the mil- deep spill, capture and occupy it? Proceed to win its hearts and minds? Hey, Alice, which way out of this rabbit hole?

Outside of that stone plug that Jack used in “Lost,” BP appears to have tried everything: Top Hat. Top Kill. Top Cat. Top Chef. Topkapi. Topographical maps. Topol. Topamax. Topo Gigio. But thus far, the only thing they’ve managed to accomplish is to make the spill very, very angry. Not as angry as folks near the affected areas who just want to get back to their lives. Especially in the wake of the recent “We’re BP and we’re so sorry” ad campaign that’s costing millions to air in lieu of expediting financial claims. Destined to rank right up there with marrying a Kardashian, for worst PR move, EVER.

Now word comes down the plumey pike that the wound we opened in the lower epidermis of the Earth might not be closed until a relief well is finished sometime in August, so perhaps we should accept the fact that the Gulf is short-term doomed and start to seek out the bright sides of the BP Oil Spill.

America has always been the Imperial Wizard of the International Optimists League. And now is a perfect time for us to jump back into the silver lining business. Because when this country is handed lemons, we make lemonade. All we need is a couple of dump trucks full of sugar and, ironically, some clean water.

TOP 15 BRIGHT SIDES OF THE BP OIL SPILL:

“¢ Your shrimp dish comes pre-marinated.

“¢ Newly affordable waterfront properties.

“¢ Frolicsome beachside tar-ball fights.

“¢ Gulf Coast salad dressing: just add vinegar.

“¢ Jet Skis able to refuel mid-trip.

“¢ Lubricated Jelly Fish.

“¢ Mortared with oil and tar, sand castles now tide-proof.

“¢ Fewer silly election-year cries of “Drill, Baby, Drill.”

“¢ No more squeaky oysters.

“¢ Need an oil change? Wander down to water’s edge and squeegee a duck.

“¢ Hot enough day, and voila: the world’s largest fish fry.

“¢ Don’t bother drilling for oil, the oil is coming to us.

“¢ Romantic beach bonfires 24/7.

“¢Â  Wriggling out of your tight swimsuit is a breeze.

“¢ Every Gulf dock and pier instantly doubles as a Slip ‘n Slide.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who often writes. This being an evident example. Catch his one-man show, “The Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion,” at a performing arts center near you. His new CD, “Raging Moderate” from Stand Up! Records, is now available on both iTunes and Amazon.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Making Sense, by Michael Reagan

This week Chinese officials brushed off U.S. Defense Secretary Gates on a proposed meeting to discuss looming military issues and bolster communication. Their reason? It was “inconvenient.”

I would find China’s casual and indifferent response to our efforts disturbing under any circumstances. We must take care that neither China nor any other nation would so easily dismiss high-level discussions with American leadership.

Cartoon by Cam Cardow - Ottawa Citizen (click to purchase)

But for China to act in this manner — at a time when we are facing multiple international crises in Asia alone — is deeply alarming. Moreover, the public manner in which they handled this further undermines our credibility in a tumultuous region and sparks a new sense of anxiety between the world’s lone superpower and the nation that aims to assume that title.

These hot spots should trouble China as well, and deserve careful attention. In particular, recent events on the Korean peninsula have sparked regional fears. Before the North Korean government rebuffed efforts, China was a partner with the United States and other key nations in six-party talks regarding North Korea’s nuclear ambitions. North Korea’s nuclear aims — and their nuclear tests — now continue unabated.

The Korean peninsula now faces an even more immediate threat, however, in the uneasy relations between North and South Korea. Investigations by the South Korean government found that the March sinking of one of their warships was the result of a torpedo fired on orders from North Korea. South Korea has chosen not retaliate militarily for the deaths of their 46 sailors, but tensions remain high. Just last week North Korea further threatened South Korean ships, and economic and political sanctions continue to strain relations.

With nearly 30,000 American troops stationed in South Korea, it should be of great concern to have the Chinese summarily dismiss a meeting with our defense secretary. Our leaders should be fully engaged in an open and honest dialogue concerning the best ways to diffuse the situation and also ensure that adequate contingency plans are in place on the remote chance that further military confrontations between the South and North should occur.

More directly, the United States and China are in sharp disagreement on the matter of Taiwan. This past January, Chinese and American officials clashed on a proposed $6.4 billion arms sale to Taiwan. The American government has historically supported Taiwan’s 1949 break from mainland China, and promised to defend them against invasion in a 1955 resolution. This American sale of arms to Taiwan is in stark contrast to the U.S. ban on American companies selling weapons to mainland China for the past 20 years.

With such strong disagreements between our nations on matters that impact our economic and foreign policy well-being, China’s discouraging dismissal of talks may sound curious. Some argue that it is merely diplomatic gamesmanship. However, I subscribe to the theory that with China remaining the largest holder of U.S. debt — nearly $900 billion as of March 2010 — they in part feel emboldened to treat us as subordinates.

In order to secure our standing in the international community and take away this strategic advantage from the Chinese, our nation must reduce its rapidly growing deficit and debt burden to loan sharks such as the Chinese. To truly engage China, this administration must realize that debt reduction is as important to our security as any military weapons program. And if we do make this a national priority, perhaps in 10 years such high-level overtures will be met with greater response and respect from our friends in Beijing.

—–

Mike Reagan, the elder son of the late President Ronald Reagan, is spokesperson for The Reagan PAC (www.thereaganpac.com) and chairman and president of The Reagan Legacy Foundation (www.reaganlegacyfoundation.org). Look for Mike’s books and other information at www.Reagan.com. E-mail comments to [email protected].

©2010 Mike Reagan. If you’re not a paying subscriber to our service, you must contact us to print or Web post this column. Mike’s column is distributed exclusively by: Cagle Cartoons, Inc., newspaper syndicate. For info contact Cari Dawson Bartley. E-mail [email protected], (800) 696-7561.

The term “deep water” usually means you’re in trouble and “horizon” is what lies ahead. So the ill-fated drilling rig Deepwater Horizon is aptly named.

Doom has arrived on our shores and our prospects are tacky with tar balls.

The geyser of crude, a mile down in the Gulf of Mexico, exposed America for what it is: bent over a barrel of oil.

Cartoon by Nate Beeler - Washington Examiner (click to purchase)

The party that defiantly and happily chanted “drill, baby, drill” at their 2008 convention has been content to obsess about the Joe Sestak job offer story in lieu of drilling, baby, drilling. Why aren’t they defending their bumper sticker? With glee they’ve been chasing the hope something illegal happened in the White House so they can pounce on possible political gain in the middle of the potential loss of our Southern shoreline to sludge. Republicans, with their 30-year menagerie of sound bites railing against government interference with business, have not surprisingly stayed away from direct action on this front. Except for Governor Bobby Jindal, who now publicly wants federal help instead of shaking his fist against the stimulus and then posing in photos handing out those government checks.

That size-of-South-Carolina amorphous blob of crude is the realization of Republican values: no regulations for drilling our way out of an energy crisis. It’s the rainbow connection!

Rand Paul, the new darling of the right-wing, “shrugged” and said accidents happen, and criticized President Obama for being “un-American” for coming down too harshly on BP. Then the old darling of the right-wing, Sarah Palin, whose husband worked for BP for 18 years, didn’t recuse herself from discussing the issue as a paid Fox News contributor because of a potential conflict of interest. Instead she accused Obama of being the one in bed with the oil companies. Which is so ridiculous it’s like Sarah Palin being the person to accuse Obama of being in bed with the oil companies.

Overnight, on Day 39, cable news put up neon graphics that it’s Day 39! Now the press is paying attention. CNN ran stories about how this spill is going to hurt BP’s image as a green company. Because this spill is a PR issue like terminal cancer is a problem with morale.

Suddenly 25 times more oil is coming out of the blown well than BP initially reported. The press needs someone to blame. BP, Transocean and Halliburton get passed up for the government response. There is no response that would have saved the Gulf. But context doesn’t matter. We need a bullhorn moment to broadcast. That’s Obama’s failing: no bullhorn. Bush’s bullhorn was”¦well bull (Osama Bin Laden will die of old age). But we need to see the leader of the free world not being thoughtful ““ we need action. We need Obama to clean off some tar-covered birds! Why isn’t he in a flight suit err wetsuit!? He’s clearly not doing enough!

The oil companies in this snap shot are in arrested development. In the 1930’s some estimated we’d run out of oil in 10 years. Yet here we are. They’ve innovated to find more oil and effectively kept innovation from making them obsolete. It’s a marvel of modern lobbying, marketing and engineering. But are we out on the streets protesting them? No, we’re having a Tea Party about government tyranny.

The BP spill exposed that we’re still commuting in eight cylinder singly occupied vehicles, hopped up on plastic goods and scoffing at high-speed rail projects. Our government is representative ““ we haven’t clamored to get off oil. If anything we’ve threatened to riot for having to pay too much at the pump. Because of our myopic need to not alter our way of life ““ the Deepwater Horizon has altered our way of life. There’s a state-sized slurry of death floating around in the ocean and it’s just the price of doing business.

Calls for more drilling in the wake of the BP Oil Spill are as sound as a junkie shooting up into an abscess.

Louisiana Congressman Charlie Melancon said that these are not just Louisiana’s wetlands but America’s wetlands. And I would add that it’s not just endangered pelicans covered in debilitating oil ““ we all are covered in debilitating oil.

“””“

Tina Dupuy is an award-winning writer, editor and columnist for Cagle Cartoons. Follow Tina on Twitter @TinaDupuy.

Want to run Tina’s column in your publication? Contact Cari Dawson Bartley. E-mail [email protected], (800) 696-7561.

There are no democratically elected leaders in the Christian bible. I know – it’s shocking. But, if you catch the rhetoric pertaining to the US Constitution, you’d think the Ten Commandments are its bullet points. They’re not. The whole idea of a representative democracy (a Greek word) comes from Ancient (think then-solvent) Greece. The leaders in the bible were all kings and/or tyrants and the Bill of Rights is nowhere in the New or Old Testament.

Cartoon by Bob Englehart - Hartford Courant (click to reprint)

Simply: Democracy isn’t biblical. But neither is the combustible engine, CAT scans or GPS – it doesn’t make them any less awesome.

So when fly-by-night pontificators, the loudest being the scholarly Sarah Palin, claim this country’s laws are ordained by God via the bible, she needs to show her work – because freedom of the press, due process and freedom of speech are not through-lines in biblical teachings. Nor is the citizenry bearing arms.

“Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant – they’re quite clear – that we would create law based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments,” Palin sputtered on Fox News earlier this month.

Evidently, just because it’s “protected speech” doesn’t make it “factual.”

When you break it down, three of the Ten Commandments are universal laws with zero controversy (do not murder, do not steal, no false witnessing). The teetering point to make half of the most widely accepted version of the Ten Commandments actual laws have been fought over by the states. Blue Laws, laws prohibiting things on Sundays based on the Commandment to keep the Sabbath holy, are still on the books in some places. They’re some of the sillier laws in the country. In Texas you couldn’t buy anything on Sundays you could do work with. So hardware stores had to put blue price tags on things like hammers up until the law was overturned in 1984. There are still places where you can’t buy a car on “the day of rest.” Let alone booze.

Talk about an over-reaching government dictating what businesses can and can’t do.

Other attempts to pass laws to abolish cursing, an interpretation of using the Lord’s name in vain, have been tried. The most amusing one was by the real Victorian-era sheriff of Deadwood, South Dakota, Seth Bullock. He cracked down on cussing in his rowdy mining camp only to have the most curse-laden HBO show in the history of television about it 140 years later. Then adultery is still illegal in some states while the Supreme Court overturned sodomy laws in 2003.

So to recap: Three of the Ten Commandments are covered by federal laws and three are laws in some states. But the other four are nowhere to be found in US law.Which from a statistical stance sums up the debate about religion and our government: a third of people think this is and should be a Christian nation, others waffle yet most think it’s not a good idea in practice.

In fact, none of the Ten Commandments are in the US Constitution. The Constitution is the charter of the government outlining the rights of the people and the limits of government. Comparing the two is like apples to a red herring.

“The Constitutional protections are on what they [the Founders] thought was right and wrong, and what they thought was right and wrong is based on the Ten Commandments,” claimed Bill O’Reilly on his cable show.

The question is: do we really want to live in a country that makes not honoring your mother and father a crime? Is it wise to have a law mandating you can’t have any other gods or make false idols or covet your neighbor’s spouse? The Founding Fathers (ahem) clearly thought it wasn’t.

Why, if you want America to be more religious, do you need to co-opt history to accomplish it? Have the courage to stand up for your convictions without creating fiction about the founding documents. I don’t agree with the Founding Fathers about everything (slavery, women’s rights, native peoples rights). But that doesn’t make the US Constitution, in my eyes, any less of an amazing feat for humanity.

So go ahead and stand up for your faith and be proud. But lying for it is, ya know, after all – bearing false witness.
“””“

Tina Dupuy is an award-winning writer, editor and columnist for Cagle Cartoons. Follow Tina on Twitter @TinaDupuy.

Want to run Tina’s column in your publication? Contact Cari Dawson Bartley. E-mail [email protected], (800) 696-7561.

Kentucky is not normally a state that is seen as a bellwether to the national political mood. Comfortably in the “Red,” the Bluegrass State often passes through the electoral season with very little national fanfare. Last night that changed.

Cartoon by RJ Matson - St. Louis Post-Dispatch (click to reprint)

For the first time since its rapid evolvement, the Tea Party movement helped a significant political candidate earn electoral victory — marking a notable increase in the movement’s importance to candidates across the country. No longer can anyone call this a fluke.

Now many will be quick to say that this is simply a result of the normal enthusiasm gap that comes into play when one party has been swept into power. And others will say that this new group symbolizes a modern shift into a third wing of American electoral politics. I disagree with both.

You see, what the Tea Party movement stands for is nothing new to those of us who remember the days of the Grand Old Party remaining true to its core principles — a Republican Party that believed that uttering anything related to “increased government spending” was akin to dropping a four-letter curse word.

What the Tea Party followers are demanding is simply a return to the days of old — the days where Republican leaders like my father stood for smaller government, less spending and the implementation of policies that allow the American economy to grow, rather than punishing families and small businesses for being productive.

Today, if you visit any state Republican convention or any other gathering of Republicans, you will see a wide array of conservative organizations using my father’s likeness to promote their cause. From the issue of life to immigration, they claim the Reagan mantra.

However, when it comes to the Tea Party, these folks are actually out there demanding a return to the real Reagan principles. They are demanding that our government return more power to the people. I can assure you that my father would not only have approved of their efforts, he would be standing by them as they help return our nation to one by the people, for the people, of the people.

What’s more, the Tea Party has now proven that they can not only talk a good game, but they can actually put solid, principled Republicans in office. This should serve to send a strong message to Republican leadership that the Tea Party can be an ally in electing the best candidates, rather than a political rapid to be navigated. And as we look towards the coming general elections, Tea Party organizers must remember that the resources and support of the Republican Party can work on their behalf as well. We are strongest when we are working together.

Last night’s win was historic for the Tea Party movement. But we must not stop now. It’s time to hold candidates and office-holders accountable when it comes to spending, the deficit and the tax burden being placed on our families.

By pushing hard on this front, in a couple of years, we will be able to stand up and ask President Obama just how he takes his tea.

—–

Mike Reagan, the elder son of the late President Ronald Reagan, is spokesperson for The Reagan PAC (www.thereaganpac.com) and chairman and president of The Reagan Legacy Foundation (www.reaganlegacyfoundation.org). Look for Mike’s books and other information at www.Reagan.com. E-mail comments to [email protected].

©2010 Mike Reagan. If you’re not a paying subscriber to our service, you must contact us to print or Web post this column. Mike’s column is distributed exclusively by: Cagle Cartoons, Inc., newspaper syndicate. For info contact Cari Dawson Bartley. E-mail [email protected], (800) 696-7561.

Hold the skinny jeans, we’re in the middle of a massive obesity epidemic. Every night we have to stare at stock footage of Americans waddling around in their maxed-out sweat pants on the nightly news. It’s clear; we’re fat. Our kids are fat. Our pets are fat. According to some Wall Street insiders, the trader who accidentally entered the wrong number of share orders and nearly crashed the entire market – his fingers are fat.

Cartoon by Tab - Cagle Cartoons (click to reprint)

If you combine overweight and obese, according to the Journal of the American Medical Association about 70% of us are fat. That’s nearly three out of four people in the US – a whopping majority.

But when we talk about this plague that will ensure this generation will die younger than their parents, we always wag our fingers at the “poor choices” fat people are making. It’s a way of blaming the victim, not addressing the issue and not offending business. It’s a well-worn creed spouted often and rarely thought about. And we’re still fat.

Two percent of the population and it’s a personal responsibility issue. Seventy percent and it’s a little more complicated.

Here’s the thing: if you’re a capitalist ““ think it’s the only thing that can drive our economy, spur innovation and create “all that’s good in the world” (or in the case of BP all that’s gooed in the world), if that’s what you think makes America “American” ““ then obesity is great.

If capitalism is a virtue, fat people are saintly. The obese are good consumers. They’ve clearly done what they’re supposed to do ““ consume.

Food companies have done a great job with their tenets of capitalism making their products so irresistible – we don’t resist them.

So stop blaming fat people for doing what companies have urged them to do. That’s like stalking someone for decades and then calling the cops once they agree to go out with you.

This week marks the end to the ninth season of the NBC’s The Biggest Loser, where overweight contestants battle it out to drop pounds. As a middle-of-the-pack runner, I got into the show because I enjoy watching people who are bad at sports do them on national television. Most sports broadcasts have elite athletes showing off their greatness. Who cares. Where do us average, picked-last-in-P.E. schlubs go to see ourselves represented on TV? The Biggest Loser. It takes the egalitarian nature of reality shows and then levels the playing field.

If you watch the show, as millions do, it’s basically a two-hour long infomercial for the overweight. The trainers hock sponsor’s products in staged scenes where contestants ask about healthy meals, ways to store their healthy snacks or are curious about products deemed healthy. Their gym is a sponsor; they tout their own brand of whey protein shakes and their own Wii fitness game. It’s like watching QVC with commercial breaks.

The contestants turn into shills for the companies advertising on the show. “I’m learning how to make the right choices.” In fact The Biggest Loser’s dogmatic phrase “make the right choices” is as about as commercial friendly as possible. Because it doesn’t discourage consuming, it encourages. Has The Biggest Loser thwarted our nation’s epidemic? No, but it has made a bunch of money off of it. Which is the point, right?

Obesity and the hidden costs behind it are a classic example of privatizing profit and socializing losses. The more successful the food industry is, the fatter we become and the more society has to absorb those costs. The military has reportedly turned away over 48,000 recruits since 2005 for being too fat to serve. And if they can’t pass the military’s standard of 26% body fat, they’re not likely to make it as a civilian first responder either.

Obesity is the crowning achievement of the food companies. They don’t have to pay for the health costs of an entire nation being fat. They just reap the rewards of a society that keeps on plumping up and eating more over-processed, nutritionally void catchphrases from people selling us “feeling good.”
Because like we saw with the housing crisis, unregulated big business can lead to disasters of epic proportions. Just like those epic portions on your plate that you’ll admit are a “bad choice.”

“””“

Tina Dupuy is an award-winning writer, editor and columnist for Cagle Cartoons. Follow Tina on Twitter @TinaDupuy.

Want to run Tina’s column in your publication? Contact Cari Dawson Bartley. E-mail [email protected], (800) 696-7561.

Outside Ohio, the question isn’t so much whether basketball superstar LeBron James will opt to stay with the Cleveland Cavaliers, but whether a shamelessly hokey rendition of “We Are the World,” sung by local politicians and media folk, will have any actual impact on his thinking.

Cartoon by John Cole - Scranton Times-Tribune (click to reprint)

The Ohio version goes: “Please stay, LeBron; We really need you. No bigger market’s gonna love you half as much as we do. It’s a choice you’re making; will you go or will you stay? What will we do with that big sign, if you move away?”

Could a dumb ditty like that sway a major decision? If so, get ready for…

Senator Arlen Specter campaign ad – “Please vote for me; I’m finished changing. It’s the GOP, not my new par-ty, that needs rearranging. If you boot me out, let there be no mys-tery; I’ll just join a group that suits me to a tea…”

Elena Kagan testimony – “Do I look gay? How dare you wonder. Your group’s a joke; the system’s broke, and gone asunder. If I am confirmed, you all know so very well. I’ll sit on the bench and never ask or tell…”

BP commercial – “OK, we goofed, but we’re still tryin’. For 75-mil, our experts shill; you know they’re lyin’. It’ll cost a lot, now that the Gulf’s a dump. But we’ll get even with you, baby, at the pump…”

NBC promo – “We are the net; we do it our way. Prime-time may suck, but that’s bad luck; we’re makin’ Jay pay. We’ve got new shows planned; and we’ll be tops again. You’ll love Al Roker when we put him on at 10….”

Sean Hannity script – “We are the world; we see it our way. We love our views, and don’t confuse, what else the facts say. Balance is our goal, and we strive to keep things fair; but if we are wrong we never seem to care…”

Steve Jobs pitch – “We struck it rich; you love the iPad! You over pay, what can I say? It makes us all glad. Apple’s doin’ great, and we’ve got you all to thank. And we’re laughin’ all the way to the i-Bank…”

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer news conference – “We love our cops; they stop the capers. They’ll let you pass, but first they want to see your papers. We’ve got border guards, ’cause Latinos try to roam. As for tourists, we’ll just let them stay at home…”

President Obama speech – “This job is tough; did I misjudge it? The polls are down, the markets too; I just can’t fudge it. But we’ll muddle through, and I want you all to know: no matter what, the job won’t go to Joe…”

—–

Peter Funt may be reached at www.CandidCamera.com.

©2010 Peter Funt. This column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons, Inc. newspaper syndicate. For info call Cari Dawson Bartley at 800 696 7561 or e-mail [email protected].

Peter Funt is a writer and public speaker. He’s also the long-time host of “Candid Camera.” A collection of his DVDs is available at www.candidcamera.com.

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

There they go again. The Democrats, that is. All Mitch McConnell had to do was threaten to wave his arms and intone his mantra of “Activist Judges!” and they flinched like a red-headed stepchild in goal at the NHL Stanley Cup Finals. On the other hand, when Republicans pick a Supreme Court nominee in the throes of a majority swagger, they shoot the moon choosing an ideologue to the right of Stalin. But the donkeys are as skitterish as a bunny in a tent full of cleat-wearing elephants and inevitably try to slide through leaving no visible ripples in the pond of midterm bipartisanship.

Cartoon by Daryl Cagle - msnbc.com (click to reprint)

Glorying in his chance to replace John Paul Stevens’ doctor as the most important liberal in America, President Obama nominated moderate Elena Kagan to walk in the 90-year-old’s comfortable shoes. If confirmed, she’ll become the third woman and fourth Supreme Court Justice from New York City: Scalia from Queens, Sotomayor from the Bronx, Ginsburg from Brooklyn and now Kagan from Manhattan. Don’t you love the new diversity? Be surprised if someone isn’t compiling a short list of qualified nominees from Staten Island. Who went to Harvard.

Kagan attended Princeton, Oxford and Harvard, a potential sixth sitting justice to wear the Crimson. Delivering another crippling blow to we state schoolies. And the fact that I’m using “schoolies” might be part of the problem. Recent trends report the less we know of a candidate, the better their chance of slaloming through the chain-link fence of character assassination known as the Senate Confirmation Hearings; thus we know more about Martian quantum physics than we do Ms. Kagan. Besides being former dean of Harvard Law and the current solicitor general of the United States, which must mean she’s proved herself to be a pretty good solicitor. And a general. So she’s got that going for her.

She wrote her senior thesis on “socialism in the early 20th century,” raising a red flag to conservatives who consider socialism contagious; even though she only studied it, she is open to accusations of being a carrier. Typhoid Elena. Her major sticking point is a lack of judicial experience, and to say her paper trail is scant is like intimating that BP is unlikely to be named winner of the Shrimp Fishers of America Good Citizen of the Year Award.

Prepared to put on the last robe she’ll ever wear, Kagan has taken blank slate to a whole new schoolhouse. And because of her track record vacuum, her sexuality or lack thereof has begun sidling center stage. The question: Is she gay? And if so, is she out? And if not, who cares? Eliott Spitzer, a Harvard classmate, says she went out on dates with men but not with him. Because when it comes to sex, Spitzer apparently is our go-to guy.

Granted, she is 50 and unmarried, and was photographed playing softball and wearing flannel, setting most of Middle America’s gaydar a-tingling. What’s the old joke: we don’t know if Elena Kagan is a lesbian, but her hair is. However, unless photos of her in bed with the Indigo Girls surface in the Enquirer, gay, straight or Gary, the first Monday in October, the Supreme Court will consist of six Catholics and three Jews. Sounds like the dance card at a KKK lawn-burning jamboree. We certainly have come a long way. Baby. Then again, who better to decide questions of innocence than members of the planet’s two most guilt-consumed faiths?

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who writes. This being a dazzling example. Catch him at the Punch Line, May 27- 29, www.punchlinecomedyclub.com, 444 Battery St., San Francisco, 415.397.7573. New CD, “Raging Moderate” from Stand Up! Records now available on both iTunes and Amazon.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Making Sense, by Michael Reagan

In politics, incumbency usually provides a significant advantage to a candidate. Usually special interests and large-dollar donors flow to those who are currently in power and have control over government purse strings. Incumbents also carry the distinct advantage of staying in the public eye simply in the course of their duties and at the public expense, making campaigning considerably easier. So, election after elections, odds are you get to keep your seat.

Cartoon by Jeff Parker - Florida Today (click to purchase)

No more, however. Today, there is an electoral tide turning against this once-impenetrable head-start. Today, it seems that being an incumbent now works against you.

There has been a string of incumbent losses in primaries, most recently Rep. Alan Mollohan, D-W.Va., and Sen. Bob Bennett, R-Utah. Shockingly, Bennett finished third in delegate votes, getting only 26 percent of the total, and Mollohan, a 14-term incumbent, lost in the polls by 12 percent. Looking to the future, Blanche Lincoln, D-Ark., and Arlen Specter, D-Pa., both incumbent senators, are looking rather nervous in the face of serious challenges for their primaries May 18. We’ve already seen other political forces toppled, such as Florida Gov. Charlie Crist’s public defeat and then defection from the Republican Party.

This trend seems to be holding true on all levels, with even local incumbents being ousted from school boards and county seats in elections across the country,

And of course this impact is felt at the highest levels, with Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid desperately fighting to keep his Nevada Senate seat. Arizona Sen. John McCain, the Republican Party’s 2008 presidential nominee, will also be facing a primary challenge.

Not surprisingly, polls show that the American people are notably and consistently disenchanted with Congress. Last week’s NBC/Wall Street Journal poll on Congressional job performance gave Congress a mere 21 percent approval rating, with a full 72 percent outright disapproving.

“What is this all about?” you ask.

I believe the answer is simple: accountability. Conservative, moderate and even some progressive-minded Americans are tired of hearing the perpetual campaign rhetoric concerning cutting wasteful spending and lessening the burden on American taxpayers. It all started when the TARP legislation was passed and has only become amplified when additional so-called stimulus bills were rammed through and hit a fever pitch with the passage of the unaffordable health care legislation.

Republicans are not blameless in this mess. When in power, Republicans lost their way — spending at historic rates. Our talk of fiscal conservatism was washed away by our actions when we were at the helm, and some of our own leaders are paying a political price this year.

What our representatives in Washington need to understand is that if each of us must to learn to do more with less during tough times, the government should be no different. Spending money that the nation does not have used to be easier to do, but those days are gone. Americans are watching closely — and when their incumbent representatives act imprudently, they are willing to fire them.

The days of free-spending and massive national debts are no longer acceptable to voters — incumbents beware.

—–

Mike Reagan, the elder son of the late President Ronald Reagan, is spokesperson for The Reagan PAC (www.thereaganpac.com) and chairman and president of The Reagan Legacy Foundation (www.reaganlegacyfoundation.org). Look for Mike’s books and other information at www.Reagan.com. E-mail comments to [email protected].

©2010 Mike Reagan. If you’re not a paying subscriber to our service, you must contact us to print or Web post this column. Mike’s column is distributed exclusively by: Cagle Cartoons, Inc., newspaper syndicate. For info contact Cari Dawson Bartley. E-mail [email protected], (800) 696-7561.

PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. – The U.S. Open golf tournament will be played here next month with great fanfare. But looking at the onerous list of regulations for spectators, there is legitimate question about whether this grand event is at all fan fair.

Cartoon by Luojie - China Daily (click to purchase)

Here is partial list of long-standing prohibitions for all paying ticket holders: no cameras; no cell phones; no PDAs or portable email devices; no signs or posters; no food or beverages; no radios; no MP3 players; no folding chairs, no bags larger than eight inches in any dimension.

This is a sporting event? The rules are less draconian at Carnegie Hall. None of these restrictions – with the possible exception of the folding chair rule – applies at a Major League baseball game. Baseball fans, like those attending other pro sports, seem to enjoy taking pictures, texting, and listening to play-by-play on radio. Many even bring their own lunch, due in part to tough economic times.

Fans also like autographs. However, printed on every U.S. Open ticket is this warning: “Approaching a player for an autograph is prohibited.” This remarkably hostile admonition covers not only times when players are competing but also when they are practicing and walking to the tee.

Players in other sports have no problem ignoring autograph requests when they become intrusive, yet willingly sign when it seems appropriate. The truth is many pro golfers would be happy to give autographs, and some will at the U.S. Open despite the prohibition. But players and fans are hostage to the increasingly arrogant demands of a few influential pros and the misguided edicts of management and sponsors.

One thing is certain, the issue is not security. The list of prohibited items appropriately includes “weapons,” and all fans will be made to pass through security checkpoints – just as they are nowadays at most sporting events. But while it’s possible that terrorists could someday invent a ham sandwich bomb, it’s not reasonable to respond to such fears with a total ban.

The real culprits in this case are players and organizers who believe a homemade sign (“We love you, Phil”), or the click of a camera (most digital cameras don’t even make clicking sounds), will distract golfers and disrupt play. Remember, this sport already has uniformed marshals raising their arms and calling for complete silence every time a ball is about to be hit.

Much of what’s good and bad about the modern game can be linked to Tiger Woods. Woods expanded the audience for golf, both in sheer numbers as well as in the type of fan attracted to the sport. And it’s been Tiger and caddie Steve Williams who have been most aggressive in dealing with annoying onlookers. At an event in 2002 Williams tossed a spectator’s camera into a pond; at the ’04 Open Williams kicked a camera belonging to a professional photographer.

But to forbid fans to carry cameras except during pre-tournament practice rounds, at Pebble Beach of all places with its many acres of spectacular scenery, is both unwise and unfair. Many sports fans, myself included, count as valuable souvenirs the snapshots taken at sports venues – with my son at the baseball All-Star game, for example. How sad to spoil the U.S. Open for fans who might hope only to capture an image of the shoreline to show friends and family, or to use a cell phone to call home from the refreshment stand.

Crude treatment of fans, although not new to the Open, becomes less defensible as golf struggles to maintain attendance and sponsor support during a weak economy, and at a time when the game’s best player is under a self-created cloud. It’s time for golf’s hierarchy to revisit spectator policies.

In its literature, the United States Golf Association notes, “Unlike many sports, golf is played, for the most part, without the supervision of a referee or umpire. The game relies on the integrity of the individual to show consideration.”

Clearly that policy doesn’t apply to fans, who travel great distances, pay high ticket prices and have their own integrity, yet must endure the most closely umpired spectator regulations in all of sports.

—–

Peter Funt may be reached at www.candidcamera.com.

©2010 Peter Funt. This column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons, Inc. newspaper syndicate. For info call Cari Dawson Bartley at 800 696 7561 or e-mail [email protected].

Peter Funt is a writer and public speaker. He’s also the long-time host of “Candid Camera.” A collection of his DVDs is available at www.candidcamera.com.