Cagle World

“Sometimes I worry that if I ever can retire and do get Social Security payments, they’ll be a lot less than what I’ve been promised,” I said to my CPA, Louie the Number Cruncher.

“There is some reason to worry, Tommy. According to the Social Security trustees’ latest report, the two trust funds that support the program will run out of reserves in 2035. If that happens, beneficiaries like you will get only 80% of the benefits they’re owed.”

“But I thought Social Security was an insurance program, not a typical government program!”

“Well, Tommy, when FDR signed it into law in 1936, it was considered an insurance program. Workers contributed money to it through income taxes. When they retired, they drew money out.”

“So how can the government arbitrarily cut my benefits?”

“The Supreme Court ruled long ago that policymakers could change Social Security’s benefit formula to reflect shifting conditions. They can cut benefits anytime, and they’ve done so many times.”

“But that’s not fair! I’ve been self-employed for a long time, and I know I’ve paid big money into Social Security every year.”

“That’s the breaks, Tommy. Millions of baby boomers are retiring. The ratio between people paying into the program and people drawing out is shrinking fast. In 1950, 16 workers paid in for every person drawing out. Today, just 2.8 workers pay in for every person drawing out.”

“But Social Security has run surpluses for years! Surely there’s some huge pile of dough that the government can tap when I retire.”

“The Social Security trustees do report a nearly $3 trillion surplus. But as surpluses have rolled in, the government has used the money to purchase special Treasury bonds, then used that money to fund other programs.”

“The government borrows from itself?”

“No, Tommy -the government borrows from you! Look: In 2035, reports The Motley Fool, baby boomers will have mostly retired, with only 2.2 workers paying into the system to fund each beneficiary. To cover the shortfall, the government will need to cash in those bonds. Guess where it’ll get the money to pay off the bonds.”

“Future taxpayers?”

“Correct, Tommy. The government will need to cut benefits or raise taxes -and will likely do both. As the trustees say, benefits would have to be cut in 2036 to 80% of what’s promised unless taxes are increased.”

“I read that since 1936, Congress has raised Social Security taxes more than 40 times.”

“Correct again, Tommy. The trustees say a tax increase of 4% -half paid by employers, half by employees -would stave off the shortfall. Others are floating ideas to expand the Social Security program.”

“Expand a program that’s struggling for funds, Louie?”

“Democrats in the House have introduced the Social Security 2100 Act, which would increase both benefits and taxes. Today, workers pay Social Security taxes on income up to $132,900. This bill would have high earners pay additional Social Security taxes on income of $400,000 or more.”

“That’s a big ‘Ouch!’ for high earners.”

“Tommy, the sooner our Social Security challenges are addressed, the better off the program will be. People are living longer. Many retirees rely on Social Security to pay their bills. It’s time for Congress to get cracking.”

“Well, Louie, knowing Congress, I’m not holding my breath. But I think I’ll add some names to my Christmas list -the 2.2 workers who’ll be funding my benefits when I retire!”

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

Here’s some great news: The American entrepreneur is flourishing again.

From 1980 until 2017, “the number of new startups formed each year … plummeted by half – from almost 15% of all business 35 years ago to barely 8%,” according to Forbes contributor David Pridham.

In 2015, regrettably, America experienced more business deaths than new business startups – the first time that had happened since the sluggish economy of 1980.

Just a few years ago, U.S. Census Bureau data showed the U.S. ranked “12th among developed nations in terms of business startup activity,” according to Jim Clifton, chairman and CEO of Gallup.

When you consider that small business is the engine of economic vitality, these stats were extremely sobering.

“In his seminal 1958 work ‘The Sources of Invention,’ the late British economist Jonathan Jewkes reviewed the histories of all the major job-creating inventions of the twentieth century,” Pridham writes. “He found, to the surprise of many, that they all were the work of entrepreneurs and startups.”

Pridham lists just some of the ingenious ideas, created by entrepreneurs and startups, that have powered American prosperity: “The sewing machine, electric power, automobiles, acrylics, the zipper, the aircraft industry, the jet engine, the radio industry, the television industry, power steering, the helicopter, rocketry, cellophane, neoprene, air conditioning, the electron microscope, instant cameras, magnetic recording, fluorescent lighting, radar, the safety razor, stainless steel” and so on.

Not only have such small-business inventions improved our lives, they’ve produced millions of good-paying jobs.

“In fact,” writes Pridham, “startups have been responsible for literally 100% of all net job growth in the United States over the last 40 years. If you took startups out of the picture and looked only at big businesses, job growth in the U.S. since 1977 would actually be negative.”

The importance of entrepreneurs and small-business startups is illustrated by another powerful statistic. Entrepreneur magazine reports that “80 to 90 percent of U.S. businesses are family-owned and that such companies contribute 64 percent of the GDP, according to Kennesaw State University research.”

So why were our small businesses languishing?

A broken patent system was a key factor – and efforts to make it easier and faster for inventors to patent their ideas are still not where they need to be.

Declining American freedom was another. Local, state and federal rules and regulations make it harder and costlier to start a new company. A few years ago, small businesses were drowning in government’s red tape.

The sixth edition of the Legatum Institute’s Prosperity Index, released in 2014, ranked America 21st among the top 25 countries for personal freedom.

But times are looking much better for the American entrepreneur – in particular, for minority-owned small businesses, which in 2017 accounted for 40% of new businesses formed, according to the Kauffman Foundation.

Whatever you think of President Trump, small-business owners have welcomed his administration’s tax-reduction and regulatory-simplification policies.

Barron’s just reported that the third-quarter Small Business Optimism Index, released Aug. 13 by the National Federal of Independent Business, has “a reading of 104.7,” which is “1.2 points higher than the second quarter and 3.5 points higher than the first.”

Translated, this means that the reason why the unemployment rate is so low – and why wages are rising again – is because the incredible creativity and productivity of America’s entrepreneurs and small businesses has been unleashed.

And as our entrepreneurs flourish, so do we all!

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

‘Ah, yes, you speak of a recent Pew Research Center survey that found ‘46% of adult social media users say they feel ‘worn out by political posts and discussions they see on social media’ – a share that ‘has risen 9 percentage points since the summer of 2016, when the Center last asked this question.”

‘I sure am worn out. Half of my online friends hate one political party, half of them hate the other. Personally, I’ve come to dislike both parties!’

‘It’s becoming regrettably unusual for anyone to have online friends who hold differing views, which is an awful shame.’

‘You want shame? Post anything, positive or negative, about President Trump or Bernie Sanders and see what happens. Whatever happened to decorum?’

‘It’s being replaced by growing intolerance of differing viewpoints. The Aspen Institute explains why: Our technologies make us more connected to each other than at any time in history. We learn news as it breaks and can instantly message thousands of people at once.’

‘Like what I had for breakfast? Even our grub has become divisive! A little hint: Don’t share your love of bacon online unless your safe house is ready!’

‘Aspen rightly points out that our incredible new tools should help us build bridges and discuss new, different ideas with new people everywhere to strengthen and improve our social fabric, but the reverse is happening. These tools are encouraging us to connect with like-minded people and ‘unfriend’ everyone else.’

‘Maybe so, but there are exceptions. I ‘friended’ a group of fellow beer lovers on Facebook. We get together every Friday to share homemade brews. Half are Republicans and half are Democrats, but we never argue.’

‘Never?’

‘Not when you burp as often as we do!’

‘The Pew survey has findings across major demographic groups. It says white social media users (52%) are grumpier about political posts than nonwhite users (36%).’

‘I’d try to say something witty here, but half of my friends would hate it, half would like it, and I’d have to go incognito to reach my safe house.’

‘Further, says Pew, ‘Republicans and Republican-leaning independents are somewhat more likely than Democrats and Democratic leaners to say they are worn out by the political posts they encounter on social media (51% vs. 43%).’

‘I’d try to say something witty here, too, but I’d have to go incognito to reach my safe house.’

‘A key takeaway from the survey is that all social media users are ‘more likely today than in the past to describe the political discourse on these platforms in negative terms.”

‘Thank goodness some people still have a sense of humor online. Like whoever did that post with an elderly gentleman in a chair who says, ‘Life is short. Make sure you spend it arguing politics with strangers on the internet.”

‘That’s funny! Look, most reasonable people agree we are misusing our technologies, making us more tribal and insular, not less. That’s why our discourse has reached a fever pitch. But we need reason and clear-headed discussions to address growing challenges. Otherwise, we will continue to shred the fabric of our civilization. We must do better.’

‘You’re right. But everybody else is going to have to brew more beer. No way can our little group brew enough to bring the whole internet together!’

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

Twelve years ago, when I first visited the Little Sisters of the Poor (LSP) retirement home in Pittsburgh, I was overcome with peace and calm.

I went there to write about a retiree, Gorman Johnston, and his dog, Abner. I wanted to get the interview over with quickly on that bitter-cold Sunday afternoon, so I could get home for a nap.

Gorman had been a longtime volunteer at the home, repaying the Sisters’ compassion and excellent care for his mother in her final years.

In 2007, Gorman, then in his 80s, lost his wife, Doris, to a long battle with cancer. He’d spent so much time doting on her, he wasn’t aware he had his own health challenges. His doctors told him to move into an assisted care residence – but what about his dog, Abner?

The Sisters had a solution. Gorman was able to move in and a married couple, who volunteered at the home four days each week, adopted Abner. They brought Abner whenever they visited, so Gorman could spend quality time with his beloved dog.

After finishing the interview, I politely asked my host, Sister Regina, for a tour of the home – hoping she would decline so I could head home.

Thankfully, she didn’t decline.

LSP was founded in France in 1839 by Jeanne Jugan, who dedicated her life to the aged poor who could no longer care for themselves. She established a new religious community devoted to her mission, with an elderly, blind and paralyzed woman as her first houseguest.

On Sept. 13, 1868, seven Little Sisters arrived in Brooklyn, N.Y., to establish America’s first LSP home. Today, LSP operates 200 homes in more than 30 countries – including 27 in America.

As Sister Regina led me through the home, I was struck by the laughter and camaraderie on every floor.

Residents helped clean up after dinner. Several cheerfully asked if I wanted coffee or tea or a cookie.

Beautiful antique furniture, lamps and rugs helped residents enjoy the coziness of home.

Even in the infirmary, where people were near their end, joy was abundant.

“Everyone,” said Sister Regina as we entered the infirmary, “Tom is writing a column about our home.”

A woman in a wheelchair with an IV taped to her arm waved me over. She could barely talk, but said to me, “God bless you for telling others about the wonderful people who care for us here.”

Sister Regina introduced me to Nick, a barrel-chested 93-year-old, who also had an IV taped to his arm.

“Nick has a wonderful voice,” she told me. “Nick, would you like to sing for us?”

He nodded, then belted out a classic Sinatra tune so powerfully it felt like Ol’ Blue Eyes himself was there. Everyone in the infirmary applauded.

When my hour-plus tour ended, I didn’t want to leave. I was filled with an incredible sense of peace and calm. Cheerfulness and happiness abound at all LSP homes. God’s presence is strong there.

LSP is continuing its Jubilee Year celebrating the 150th anniversary of the religious order’s arrival in America. A visit to an LSP home near you can provide a break from the growing cynicism and incivility of modern life – just like my 2007 visit to the Pittsburgh home did for me. LSP is always in need of donations and volunteers, too.

Believe me, whatever time or support you give to LSP, you’ll be repaid triple in return.

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

A phone scammer made a mistake when he called my mother.

The young male caller pretended to be her grandson. He said he’d been arrested for fishing on an Indian reservation – unaware he was breaking the law – and needed bail money so a judge wouldn’t throw him in jail.

My mother’s response, which I’ll share in a moment, is now a classic part of family lore – but the threat that increasingly sophisticated scammers pose to elderly Americans is nothing to laugh about.

In this era of smartphones, email and social media, scammers have their choice of tools to attempt to fleece us all.

They use fraudulent texts, “spoofed” emails that appear to be from people you trust, or robocalls and other phone scams – all with the goal of separating us from our hard-earned money.

Posing as U.S. government representatives is a preferred technique. The Federal Trade Commission’s Bureau of Consumer Protection says that this spring reports of such scams “reached the highest levels we have on record.”

Scam callers pretend they’re IRS agents demanding back taxes, or say your Social Security number has been suspended, or tell you the Department of Health and Human Services just made you eligible for some medical device.

Such scams are increasing in number because they’re profitable. In the past five years, the FTC received 1.3 million reports of government-impostor scams. About 6 percent of those targeted reported losing money.

People ages 20 to 59 fell for these scams more often than older people, but older victims lost considerably more money. People 80 or older reported a median loss of $2,700 per scam.

The solution: Be careful who you share personal information with – and protective of personal information you make public.

Scammers love to use information from Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to their advantage. Through such “social engineering,” scammers patiently collect information they can use to convince you they are authentic and steal your money.

Perhaps a young man tells the world he’s going to Canada for the weekend – and leaves his grandmother a playful note saying he’ll bring her some fish. He may have unwittingly set her up for a phone scam.

Email scammers’ regrettable wealth of tools can give them easy access to all information on your computer – if you let them. Verify that email links and attachments are legitimate before opening them. Use anti-virus tools regularly.

Regarding government-impostor scams, know that government agencies will never call on the phone or ask for account numbers or for money to be wired. Be sure elderly family members and friends understand the risk.

Because many elderly people have nest eggs and paid-off homes, they’re ripe targets, according to the FBI. And because many are friendly, trusting and wary of being rude on the phone, they’re especially at risk in our high-tech era.

Scammers generally are located outside the U.S., making it impossible to recover stolen funds or seek justice.

Of course, if a scammer calls you, you can just hang up. Or you can do what my mother did.

Quickly realizing she’d been targeted in an attempted fraud, she feigned a feeble voice and pretended to be flummoxed.

She tied up the scammer for hours, telling him she couldn’t find her credit card, forgot the account number he gave her, couldn’t get to the bank because her car wouldn’t start – and preventing that dirty rotten son of a you-know-what from scamming another elderly person.

We still delight in her quick thinking. I share her story in the hope that it can prevent others from being victimized by increasingly sophisticated crooks.

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

We could use a hearty dose of Robert Fulghum wisdom about now.

Our political discourse is at a fever pitch. Our allegedly esteemed elected leaders are carrying on like unruly children – shouting and pouting and becoming increasingly strident with their political opponents.,

If they wish to carry on like children, they need to learn some kindergarten wisdom.

“All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be, I learned in kindergarten,” wrote Fulghum in his famous 1988 essay, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten.”

“Share everything,” he writes.

Too few of us realize it, but we share many things. Most of all, we share a magnificent representative republic – and every one of us shares the incredible responsibility of running it by voting and participating in public discourse.

Our politicians must embrace our shared responsibility by discussing and debating political ideas civilly – by working out political agreements as well-mannered adults.

“Play fair,” writes Fulghum.

In sports, nobody likes a “dirty” player – someone who hits below the belt, or someone who tries to knock the quarterback out of the game by ramming a helmet into his knee.

Attempts to destroy or discredit political opponents with hyperbole and unsubstantiated accusations only lather up half the country as they alienate the other half. Such cynical dishonesty drives us apart, making it that much harder for us to arrive at orderly, sensible solutions.

If you disagree with someone’s political ideas, discuss that disagreement in a logical and unemotional manner. If you believe your idea is superior, make your case. That’s the only way for our best political ideas to become effective government policies, and goodness knows we have too few of those.

“Don’t hit people” is another of Fulghum’s insights.

Unfounded cheap shots have got to stop.,

Calling someone a “racist” or a “Nazi” just because you dislike him or her or disagree with his or her ideas does more to discredit those overused labels than it does to discredit your target.

Chanting for a member of Congress – a naturalized U.S. citizen – to be “sent back” to the country where she was born, just because you strongly disagree with her ideas, lowers and discredits you as it elevates the target of your chant.

We are better than this – at least I hope we are.

Fulghum offers a dozen other useful insights in his essay, but these words are probably the most important:

“Live a balanced life,” he writes. “Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

Look, politics is important – keeping informed and participating in our political system is essential to our country’s continued success – but too many of us are taking our politics way too personally.

As we become ever more boisterous in our discourse – as we post ever-more angry and ridiculous thoughts on social media – we motivate the politicians who represent us to do likewise.

All of us need to stop taking ourselves so seriously. All of us need to escape the narrowness of our limited point of view.

As Fulghum advises, we need to spend more time drawing and painting and singing and dancing. We need to play and laugh and stop taking ourselves, and our politics, so seriously.

Perhaps if we heed a little kindergarten wisdom, we will remember how to be civil, well-mannered adults.

With any luck, our politicians will follow suit.

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For

Despite the accusations, I deny that I carry a man purse.

According to the New York Post, the man purse, or “murse,” is the “new must-have accessory taking over designers’ spring 2020 men’s runways.”

Murse designs include “cross-body satchels, fanny packs, top-handle totes and compact clutches” – whatever the heck “clutches” are.

Like so many other things in our divided culture, the murse’s growing popularity causes conflict that has only grown since 2015, when the Huffington Post asked its Facebook followers to sound off.

“Nope….just nope,” wrote one female reader.

Another woman wrote: “Does this mean I wouldn’t have to carry my husband’s stuff in my bag? Then, yes.”

One obviously hip, new-age fellow wrote: “I love my murse. It is the best way to carry my book, notebook, e-reader, pens, medication, ID and cash and have it all conveniently at hand when I need it.”

I hate to admit it, but I see both sides of this issue.

On one hand, it bewilders me that hip, urban males choose to adorn themselves with fashions – purses, fingernail polish, even eye liner, which some call “guy liner” – long associated with females.

It puzzles me that fashion is being used to whitewash the differences between men and women and between masculinity and femininity. I understand that fashions come and go, but I prefer fashions that highlight and celebrate the sexes’ unique attributes.

This is partly because of the era in which I was raised. Like other masculine men, my father carried a fat wallet in a back pocket, his keys in his left front pocket, and lots of change in his right pocket – which he jangled with his hand as he shot the bull with other men.

To be sure, I’ve made fun of hip, modern fellows who need a man purse to carry their sunglasses, notebooks, body spray, hair goop, diary and whatever other items they tote these days.

One fellow I mocked helped introduce a “manlier looking man purse” a decade ago because he was tired of other men ribbing him for carrying a more feminine-looking handbag. I’m lucky he didn’t smack me with his murse.

I made fun of another fellow whose chiropractor told him to get a man purse because keeping his thick wallet in his back pocket was misaligning his spine. How can we defeat tough-guy terrorists, I wondered, if our guys are getting injured by their wallets?

But on the other hand, I no longer carry a wallet, keys or change in any of my pockets. I keep these items in an Italian-made leather computer bag that goes pretty much everywhere I go.

I also keep pens, my iPhone, my computer, a calculator, a hair brush and a handful of other unmanly doodads in there – not unlike the hip, purse-carrying fellows I’ve mocked.

But let’s get this straight: I carry a computer bag, not a lousy murse!

Which brings me to a troubling accusation I encountered one morning at a local coffee shop, where a group of grey-haired retirees gather most mornings.

My Italian-made leather computer bag was hanging from my shoulder when an employee of the coffee shop told me, “Those old guys are making fun of your purse!”

How dare those unfashionable codgers mock me for keeping up with the times!

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

It’s never too late for a good belly laugh.

July 1 was, unofficially, International Joke Day. The origins of the day are unclear, but whoever started it was on to something – because our country sure could use a good belly laugh about now.

Which reminds me of the man who walked into a dentist’s office one evening.

“I think I’m a moth,” said the man.

“I’m sorry,” said the dentist. “But I can’t help you. You need to see a psychiatrist.”

“I am seeing a psychiatrist,” said the man.

“Then why did you come to my office?” said the dentist.

“Your light was on,” said the man.

I’m not sure where or when social media started making us more strident. But as we share ever-more-angry news posts that demonize those with whom we disagree, we are sacrificing our sense of humor.

The political jokes of many late-night comedians appeal to half of the country as their snarky nature polarizes the other half – which means those jokes are sarcasm, not humor.

Humor doesn’t take political sides. Humor brings us together.

“Anthropological studies have shown that laughter evolved as a way for humans to signal friendship and as a way to create and strengthen ties with a group,” reports timeanddate.com.

Which reminds me of the time Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping.

They pitched their tent and went to sleep.

In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up and said, “Watson, look up and tell me what you see.”

“Millions of magnificent stars,” said Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?” said Holmes.

“That life may exist on other planets?” said Watson.

“No, you idiot,” said Holmes. “It means somebody stole our tent.”

In his book “Anatomy of an Illness,” Norman Cousins reported that laughter helped him cure his serious collagen disease.

Since then, scientists have discovered that humor really is good for our health.

Laughter produces pain-killing endorphins. It strengthens our immune system.

“A good belly laugh increases production of T-cells, interferon and immune proteins called globulins,” reports PsychCentral.

It also decreases stress.

“When under stress, we produce a hormone called cortisol,” reports PsychCentral. “Laughter significantly lowers cortisol levels and returns the body to a more relaxed state.”

But we aren’t laughing enough.

Which reminds me of the three fellows stranded on a deserted island. One morning, a magic lantern washes ashore. A genie pops out and grants each of the men one wish. The first fellow wishes he was off the island and, poof, he’s home. The second fellow wishes the same and, poof, he’s home too. The third fellow says, “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

The wonderful thing about humor is that it is infectious. It promotes good will, thoughtfulness and civility.

Regrettably, rudeness, anger and hatred are also infectious. They agitate us and tear us apart.

We must choose humor. We must rise above those who seek to agitate and divide us.

We must use social media to share fun, uplifting content, rather than derisive and divisive content.

Here’s a start:

A three-legged dog walks into a bar and sets his pistol on the table.

“I don’t want any trouble,” says the bartender, nervously.

“I have no beef with you,” says the dog. “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

Why do I want more Americans to buy homes? Because misery loves company.

The Wall Street Journal reports most American renters believe homeownership is financially out of their reach – only 24 percent say it’s “extremely likely that they would ever own a home, 11 percentage points lower than four years ago,” according to a Freddie Mac survey – and that isn’t good for our country.

Look, homeownership brings many benefits.,

For starters, homeowners’ net worth is higher than renters’ – for the simple reason that mortgage payments, unlike rent payments, eventually build thousands of dollars in equity.,

Homeownership is good for the economy – because many homeowners are always looking to improve their abodes with new furnishings, landscaping materials, construction supplies and so on. ,

Studies reveal that homeowners fare better than renters. According to Forbes, “children of homeowners do better in school … . Health outcomes are also better with homeowners.” Homeowners also “are more likely to be involved in community civic engagements, local elections, and volunteer work compared to renters … .”

Homeownership has certainly made me a more involved citizen.,

I bought my first house in 1996. I was a freelance writer – which means I was broke. All I could afford was a fixer-upper, on a hill in the country, that made Herman Munster’s place look like a Trump estate.,

I was full of vigor at first, but several failed projects – the toilet seal that never stopped leaking, the broken septic tank lid, the furnace that wouldn’t heat, etc. – eventually made me very grumpy.,

One day, while weeding the planter, bees attacked me. Someone told me the solution was to pour a cup of gasoline into the bee hole, then light it. I poured in two cups for good measure, lit a match and dropped it in.,

I quickly learned an important lesson about gasoline: Gasoline doesn’t burn – gasoline FUMES burn. Because they’re FLAMMABLE – especially when you turn a hole in your planter’s dirt into a massive carburetor.,

I heard the giant “WOOOOF!” of gasoline fumes exploding. I saw a 15-foot flame shoot up the side of my freshly painted house. It’s amazing I didn’t burn the whole neighborhood down.

In any event, such miseries are borne only by homeowners. They make us participate in local politicians’ meetings to keep them from raising our taxes.,

Homeownership miseries make us participate in state and federal elections to stop those politicians from – for instance – ruining washing machines. Thanks to new water-use restrictions, new washing machines barely wash.,

Homeownership miseries make us agitated and grumpy enough to actually follow and participate in American politics, which makes us even more agitated and grumpy – because home repairs, hard to afford in a booming economy, will be impossible to afford if the socialists ever gain majority power.,

In any event, despite homeownership’s many miseries, I began buying rental properties, subjecting myself to the misery of having tenants. Tenants never cease to amaze me with the items that – along with my hard-earned money – they think they can flush down a toilet.,

Owning properties has made me a better citizen – but a miserable one. I want as many Americans to share my homeownership miseries as possible.

To that end, I recently became a licensed real estate agent in Western Pennsylvania, so I can help other people buy their own homes – and increase the number of people I can commiserate with.

Like I said, misery loves company.

–

Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].

Here’s the worst part: He had every opportunity to choose life.

Last week, 21-year-old Mustafa Mousab Alowemer was arrested for allegedly plotting to bomb a small Christian church in Pittsburgh’s North Side.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, his motivation was to support the cause of ISIS. And he was “aware that numerous people in or around the Church could be killed by the explosion.”

That’s a lousy way to show gratitude.

You see, Alowemer is a refugee from Syria. He entered the United States three years ago and lived with his family in an apartment in a public housing complex.

They lived there because Pittsburghers are generous. In 2015, Pittsburgh Mayor Bill Peduto pledged to accept as many as 500 Syrian refugees to help them escape the horrors of their country’s bloody civil war.

Alowemer and his family were given a chance to start life anew. He had recently graduated from Pittsburgh Public Schools’ Brashear High, an English as Second Language school.

It’s not easy to do, but Alowemer, like so many refugees America had welcomed before him, had endless opportunities to create a better life.

He could have chosen the path of another refugee I know, who came to Pittsburgh as an adult in the 1990s, during the Bosnian War.

This fellow spoke no English. He took a job as a construction laborer, learning all the basics of constructing and finishing a building.

In time, he became highly skilled at installing ceramic tile, carpet and other flooring. His English-speaking skills became excellent. He started his own business. He was recommended to me for a carpet job, and I couldn’t have been happier with his work.

But I can’t get him to work for me anymore.

You see, as he worked hard and flourished, he started buying inexpensive homes in a gentrifying section of Pittsburgh. Last we spoke, he had several rental homes that generated enough income for him to retire. He now lives his American dream with his family in a nice suburban neighborhood.

I’ve written about similar refugee stories I encountered while living in the Washington, D.C., region.

I rented an apartment from a refugee from Lebanon. We were born the same year and became good friends.

He told me that prior to war in his homeland, his father had been a successful owner of two retail businesses. The family lost everything.

Thankful to make it to America, my friend and his five siblings took any job they could find – busboy, janitor, laborer. They saved money and opened a bakery. Last I spoke with him, the business employed 100 people and was growing – enabling my friend to live his American dream.

Such positive outcomes are common when refugees are given a second chance at life in America.

According to the Tribune-Review, America will welcome 30,000 refugees this year. Despite the allegations against Alowemer, the refugee vetting process is thorough and effective.

In fact, Alowemer “is the only Syrian refugee accused of being involved in a U.S.-based terror plot,” according to Patrick James, a researcher with the University of Maryland-based National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism.

Which is what is so sad and troubling about Alowemer. If the allegations are true, he had endless opportunities to create a new life in America, but chose hatred and attempting to inflict death instead.

Unlike the vast majority of refugees – who ask only for a chance to create their own American dreams.

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Copyright 2019 Tom Purcell. Tom Purcell, author of “Misadventures of a 1970’s Childhood,” a humorous memoir available at amazon.com, is a Pittsburgh Tribune-Review humor columnist and is nationally syndicated exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. For info on using this column in your publication or website, contact [email protected] or call (805) 969-2829. Send comments to Tom at [email protected].