Alexandra Paskhaver

Coach Nobel
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Okay, maybe not literally “kill.” That’s against the principle of the prize. I think. Which is why I’m starting a career coaching business. Hear me out. Career coaching is a completely logical way to win a..
April 1, 2026
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Advice for sloths
I’ve never been one to follow self-help books. Sure, I know they’re good for me. They’re filled with actionable advice on how to make tens of thousands of dollars, attract a great partner, and get the career of your dreams. All you have to do ..
March 26, 2026
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The coder’s lament
I hate coding. On the other hand, I’m a great believer in money. Or maybe it’s the other way around. I like money, and I’m a great believer in the power of programming to get you untold riches. Or at least a spare buck or two. I work as a soft..
March 19, 2026
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Promotions 101
It’s easy to get promoted. Just solve your company’s problems in a single day. Got a recalcitrant employee? Don’t worry about them. Don’t worry that you don’t even know what “recalcitrant” means. Don’t worry about anything. Worrying ..
March 12, 2026
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The graduate
The best New Jersey university is Rutgers. If you’re a Princeton snob — and I know who you are, with your hoodies and your bumper stickers and your heads the size of the Chrysler Building — you might raise a quibbling finger in one of your pre..
March 5, 2026
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The art of writing columns
I had a great idea for a column this week. Unfortunately, this isn’t it. After about 20 minutes of deep soul-searching, it occurred to me that some of you might be wondering how I write these columns. After all, they’re hilariously funny and not..
February 26, 2026
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Going nuclear
I wrote this article with my neighbor George. You can tell because the funny jokes are mine and the others are his. As I have often had cause to mention, my neighbor George is a nuclear engineer. This means he is responsible for anything that goes �..
February 18, 2026
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The best-laid plans
My five-year plan is currently on year eight. Look, it’s not my fault that it takes me time to do things. Okay, so maybe “time” is a misnomer. Maybe I did spend two hours ordering a pizza when it could have taken me 15 minutes. But I had to ch..
February 12, 2026
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Lawncare woes
People say I’m stubborn about lawncare, but I’m not. I look at every suggestion with an open mind before I say “No.” The trouble of living in New Jersey is that my lawn decides to die right about September and continues to be yellow and wisp..
February 5, 2026
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Go fish
I love being out on the water and hate fishing. Or maybe it’s the other way around. A colleague of mine invited me to go out on a lake and try our luck at catching fish. I categorically refused. It’s not that I hate fish. I love fish, especially..
January 28, 2026
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Dirt, cheap
When my neighbor told me he could transform garbage into gold, I laughed. My neighbor is no alchemist. He didn’t even pass high school chemistry. The idea that he could make hamburger scraps into precious metals was hilarious, even to a seasoned j..
January 22, 2026
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Writing woes
Proofread carefully to make make sure your writing is correct. It never ceases to annoy me when people misuse the written word. English is a beautifully ugly language. For one, it allows phrases like “beautifully ugly.” For two, it has words lik..
January 7, 2026
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Alexandra Paskhaver

Alexandra Paskhaver is a software engineer and writer. Both jobs require knowing where to stick semicolons, but she’s never quite; figured; it; out. For more information, check out her website at https://apaskhaver.github.io.