I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Okay, maybe not literally “kill.” That’s against the principle of the prize. I think.

Which is why I’m starting a career coaching business.

Hear me out. Career coaching is a completely logical way to win a Nobel Peace Prize.

Yes, there are people who spend decades negotiating ceasefires, brokering treaties, and staring intensely across mahogany tables at world leaders.

And there are career coaches, who can… also stare across mahogany tables.

Okay, fine. Plastic tables. But hear me out.

While diplomats are out there trying to stop wars between nations, career coaches are quietly preventing wars between coworkers and that one manager who schedules 90-minute “quick syncs” at 6:47 p.m.

Think about it. Career coaching helps people stop hating their jobs, which lowers the global supply of passive-aggressive emails by at least 43%.

It helps humans discover purpose, which reduces burnout, resentment, and the urge to “accidentally” CC the entire company.

It teaches people how to communicate clearly, set boundaries, and make decisions without spiraling into existential dread—three skills that, if applied at scale, could probably end several international conflicts.

Most wars start with unmet needs, misaligned incentives, and people who feel unheard. Career coaching tackles all three, just with more worksheets and fewer tanks.

Although a well-placed tank would—never mind.

I gotta keep the end goal in mind: a glorious Nobel Peace Prize. Say no tanks to tanks!

But back to career coaching.

When someone figures out what they actually want to do with their life, they become calmer, kinder, and far less likely to take it out on society—or their friendly neighborhood humor columnist.

Don’t we want more people like that in the world?

So yes, technically the Nobel Peace Prize goes to diplomats, activists, and visionaries. But spiritually? It belongs to the career coach.

Hence I’ve started a career coaching business. The first half-hour session is free, and any subsequent lesson is $30.

Remember, this isn’t just career coaching. This is the stuff that stops wars. For only $30 per sesh. Pretty good deal, eh?

I also offer resume reviews.

I take a penetrating look at a one-page document that summarizes your entire professional life, and I gain a deep insight of you as a person.

Psych! Nobody can do that. Not even Nobel Prize winners. No, that’s why we talk about your goals and aspirations.

Sort of like diplomacy. Hint, hint.

Then I point out ways you can strengthen your resume, expand your network, and negotiate a better deal with a new employer.

In return, you thank me by becoming President of the United States, achieving world peace, and giving me a cushy little sinecure.

Only joking! I don’t need a sinecure. A regular job would do.

Maybe I can coach my way to that Peace Prize.

Failing that, I’m buying a tank.

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Copyright 2026 Alexandra Paskhaver, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Alexandra Paskhaver is a software engineer and writer. Both jobs require knowing where to stick semicolons, but she’s never quite; figured; it; out. For more information, check out her website at https://apaskhaver.github.io.