Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

I have a certain fondness for springtime (I like cutting back on propane usage and I cherish my wife’s pre-spring ritual of photographing our son in front of our daffodils), but I don’t go hog wild and pig crazy.

For instance, some folks are selfishly focused on their kite-flying and quaint festivals as the weather grows milder. My empathetic nature makes me worry about the welfare of all those goobers (you know the ones) who have braved every blizzard with a heavy jacket and SHORTS.

Maybe I should find those fashion icons a place to hibernate until late autumn. Or maybe I could get a boombox and play that The Lovin’ Spoonful song “Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?” for them 24-7!!!

I realize faith in the eventual arrival of spring benefits the motel business in January and February (with the more-grounded people informing their friends that they and their %&$# seed catalog should “Get a room!”), but some gardening enthusiasts can’t wait a second longer. They rush the season and do their planting riskily early. (“Yeah, I believe in Bigfoot and alien autopsies and honest politicians. But a late frost??? Preposterous.”)

People want to pack a lot of living into three springtime months. “Make hay while the sun shines. Hit the ground running.” Of course, most of us don’t have to make hay at all, and you may hit the ground HOPPING if you disturb a colony of ground wasps.

Incurable romantics are encouraged by Alfred, Lord Tennyson’s immortal words, “In the spring, a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” Don’t forget, the sobering flip side is “In the spring, an old man’s fancy lightly turn to thoughts of ‘Now, why in the world did I come into the garage and pick up this Weed Eater?’”

Voters chomping at the bit for spring have become a powerful lobbying force in Washington, D.C. Surely you’ve heard of the proposed Cut the Groundhog Out of the Loop bill. If enacted, whenever BABY NEW YEAR fails to see his shadow, we’ll have an early spring.

The political priorities of these people can be quite ironic. They watch the nightly news and worry over “forever wars.” Then they gamely murmur, “Maybe THIS will be the year I finally outsmart the aphids, mealybugs, Japanese beetles and cutworms! Maybe if I supplement the usual pesticides with a really big anvil from the Acme Corporation…”

I am bemused by the macho competitiveness surrounding lawn mowing and landscaping. Everyone wants to be the envy of the neighborhood, while I’m content to be the sloth.

Some people revel in the “rebirth” aspect of spring, but Mother Nature always gets her revenge for the stretch marks! (“You get some allergies, and you get some allergies and you get some allergies!”)

Spring is always stressful for me because there are more unwanted kittens than I could ever adopt. Strange how tomcats are oblivious to the inconvenience of yowling at 3 a.m., but they are keenly aware of their biological clock ticking.

To their credit, diehard springtime embracers bravely accept the season as a package deal. (“We need another trellis and some lawn flags. That delightful tornado already relocated the gazebo to the other side of the yard. Hey, aren’t those my jacket and shorts in the top of the elm tree?”)

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Copyright 2026 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”