Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

“Lean on me/When you’re not strong/And I’ll be your friend/I’ll help you carry your Frisbee.” – apologies to Bill Withers.

I was intrigued by a recent article by Margret Grebowicz, a philosophy professor at Missouri University of Science and Technology, raising an alarm about Americans’ growing emotional dependency on their dogs.

(Well, it was either an alarm or tree limbs brushing against the kitchen window. Either way, let’s go DEFCON 1 with running around and barking!)

True, we’ve always had folks who enjoyed the company of dogs more than the company of humans. (“Okay, son, you married a lawyer – but can you retrieve a duck in your mouth? Didn’t think so.”)

Still, the pandemic exacerbated the gradual unraveling of traditional face-to-face social cohesiveness. Now that online banking, Amazon shopping, Zoom meetings, drive-through dining and family-splitting political differences have become downright upright, canines are more valued for filling shoes than fetching shoes.

Yes, the fabric of society has definitely changed since the 80s and “Cheers” (“Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name…”). Now the vibe is more “Sometimes you wanna go where everybody sniffs your butt…”

Even a walk in the dog park has changed drastically. Once upon a time, you’d go to the park thinking, “I wonder if that blonde with the Schnauzer would give me the time of day if I asked for a date?” Now it’s “I wonder if that Schnauzer with the blonde would give me some spiritual advice?”

Understandably, when your friends and family members keep their eyes glued to their phone 24-7, you turn for solace to someone who…keeps something glued to furniture legs 24-7. (Okay, bad example. Baaaad example.)

Pouring your heart out to your dog has always been a rather one-sided affair, but pet owners insist on using dogs more and more as a sounding board or confidante — even if the advice is cryptic. (“I can’t tell if you’re heaving because you agree with my assessment of getting back together with my ex — or because you found that month-old roast in the garbage can.”)

Sentient beings of all species need to feel needed, but people are saddling their pooches with responsibilities for which they are totally unsuited. (“Yes, I have listed Spot as my emergency contact. If anything happens, make sure you impress upon him that the emergency is a heart attack and not a can opener on the fritz.”)

Seriously, it’s an embarrassment of elementary school proportions when you have to explain, “Yes, I took all the necessary steps to grant Rover financial power of attorney, but he…he ate the documentation.”

Man’s Best Friend has long been lauded with slogans such as “They ask for so little and deserve so much”; but as they become more and more the focus of their master’s attention, humans’ worst traits could rub off on them. (“Don’t expect guilty ‘puppy dog eyes’ from ME, chum. A salesman made that stain on the carpet. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.”)

Veterinarians are concerned that people lavishing money and attention on “fur babies” may demand unnecessary tests, procedures and medications. (“Doc, you don’t know for sure that King didn’t contract something from the Red Baron while serving as a World War I flying ace…”)

Show some balance.

Guess I’d better scoot, before y’all switch from “Happiness is a warm puppy” to “Happiness is a warm fireplace for Tyree’s foolishness.”

*Sigh*

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Copyright 2026 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”