Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

Friends, I was like a kid in a candy store.

When I first visited Washington, D.C. (youth tour, 1977), politicians and historic monuments took second place. This small-town nerd was obsessed with scooping up copies of “exotic” periodicals such as the “Washington Post” and “New York Daily News.”

So, understandably, I’m heavy-hearted to start 2026 knowing the storied “Atlanta Journal-Constitution” will no longer produce a print edition.

It’s a predictable but somber turning point in an industry once known for kids earning good money delivering newspapers via bicycle, dads burying their nose in the business section at the breakfast table and proud moms filling scrapbooks with clippings (about spelling bees and Little League championships and dads having to fix their own @#%&* breakfast).

The Journal-Constitution explains it’s merely “evolving” and “embracing reader habits.” Embracing reader habits. Now, that’s a slippery slope. (“Welcome to our newsroom. I’m the assistant editor of ‘humming unrecognizable tunes in the shower.’ This is our bureau chief for asking, ‘workin’ hard or hardly workin’?’ Down the hall is our Department of Snatching Extra Condiments at the Fast Food Restaurant.”)

The Journal-Constitution assures us that the print edition was still profitable; they just wanted to stop the presses while they were still ahead. I hope a business with the luxury of leaving money on the table will remain considerate of the less fortunate. (“Our editorial board has decided that all you unprofitable mom-and-pop businesses need to pay higher wages, obey 73 new regulations and oh, yeah, flap your arms and cluck like a chicken.”)

The philosophy of the Journal-Constitution (reshuffle your limited resources for maximum efficiency) is present in many industries. (“Okay, the parking lot is crumbling, but we needed the money for a spotlight to shine on the ‘Please tip for employees nodding in the general direction of the bagels’ sign.”)

Traditionalists will miss the feel of paper in their hands, but it’s hard to dismiss the timeliness of electronic news. (“Yesterday’s print edition predicted today’s high temperature would be 74 degrees. Ha! We can verify that it is actually 75 degrees. Someone alert the Pulitzer Prize committee!”)

Competition between digital-only newspapers will necessitate going beyond being simply “up-to-the-minute.” Horoscope writers will have to stop “phoning it in” with vague predictions. No, today’s savvy consumer needs “During your afternoon commute, some goofball will flip a truckload of Rhode Island Red chickens at the intersection of Fourth Avenue and Grammercy Street…”

Newsprint aficionados will miss total strangers asking them, “Are you finished with the sports section?” Perhaps newspaper IT gurus can concoct an app that beeps when mooching jerks are in the vicinity.

Thankfully, part of the weaning process for “old school” readers (“Scroll, swipe left, double-click, surrender your car keys…”) involves offering a PDF version of an actual newspaper, as an alternative to all the hyperlink distractions. (“Forget about the school board meeting! You won’t believe what the temporary assistant lighting director on ‘Ernest Goes To Camp” looks like now!”)

I hope we can all handle the little ironies that will accompany all-digital newspapers, like “I’ll read you the obituaries after we get out of this DEAD ZONE, dear…maybe just another 20 miles…”

Whatever your preferred type of news delivery, I hope it’s there for you in 2026 and that you learn something new every day.
Hey…did you know there’s a monument to George Washington in D.C.????

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Copyright 2025 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”