Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

The World Book Encyclopedia was the first challenge to my faith in Santa Claus.

Its matter-of-fact description of Saint Nick as “mythical” had my father performing mental gymnastics.

Luckily, given the encyclopedia’s notoriety for being outdated as soon as it came off the printing press, Dad had options.

The years have dulled the details of my memories, but his response may or may not have been, “Kris Kringle was mythical at the time of editing, but due to recent elections/revolutions/archaeological excavations/scientific discoveries, he is now back happily riding Norelco electric shavers over the snowy hills.”

Alas, shoring up belief in Father Christmas is not so easy in the internet age.

A recent “New York Post” article revealed that many Christmas traditionalists are alarmed that artificial intelligence, chatbots and Google are overwhelming impressionable youngsters with too much information too early.

Tykes curious about “Is Santa Claus real?” or “Can reindeer fly?” or “Is eggnog really supposed to make Aunt Judy’s bra come off?” can obtain tons of blunt responses from their laptop or smartphone in a split second.

(Don’t get me started on non-holiday questions that can further disillusion children, such as “Does the moon REALLY give a rat’s rump if I say goodnight or not?”)

Satisfying youthful curiosity used to mean poring through dusty tomes or interrogating wise grown-ups, but now kids have all the world’s unfiltered information (mis-, dis- or otherwise) at their fingertips – assuming their fingertips haven’t already been blown off because of a YouTube video on “How to construct a TNT snowman.”

It’s not just adults who are dismayed by the turn of events. There is talk of unionization. The proposed Brotherhood of Older Siblings and Worldly Wise Classmates claims “dibs” on making kids cry.

And it’s not just individual citizens who are troubled. The Department of Health and Human Services is concerned about the impact on physical exercise. Back in the old days, a youngster would have to jog to a saloon, a brothel and a smoky politicians’ backroom to get all the information that Siri and Alexa dole out.

The initial trauma of shattered fantasies is nothing compared to the ongoing anxiety of children. It’s hard to have visions of sugar plums dancing in your head when you’re lying awake thinking, “If Mom and Dad are dumb enough to give a four-year-old unsupervised access to the Dark Web, how can I trust them to pay the mortgage or give me asbestos-free cookies? Hey, Tinsel for Brains — are you sure you can navigate a two-ton SUV to Grandma’s house without getting us splattered on the road?”

AI has been known to make up pronouncements out of thin air; but apparently most of the anti-Santa screeds come from actual sources — which begs the question, why are there SO MANY articles out there disputing the reality of elves and North Pole workshops? Are adults “whistling past the graveyard” and desperately trying to build up bravado? (“The Elf on the Shelf CAN’T be real, because I’ve been a baaaaad boy!”)

I know it’s not easy, but please do your part to help kids stay innocent a little longer.

Because chatbots are only going to become nosier and more brutal.

“Is Santa Claus really just your daddy? Well, not TECHNICALLY your daddy. Say, have you noticed how much your hair color resembles that of the pool boy…?”

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Copyright 2025 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”