Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

“Maybe it’s time we got back to the basics of love…of tourism.” (Apologies to Waylon Jennings.)

Technically, the phrase “second honeymoon” has not crossed my wife’s lips; but I choose to think of our recent vacation in Gulf Shores, Alabama as a second honeymoon, since that was the site of our original honeymoon 34 years ago.

My research shows that quite a few people do unabashedly employ the “second honeymoon” designation for excursions geared toward rekindling the romance.

Sometimes the trip is the totality of the celebration, but many couples combine travel with a public renewal of their wedding vows.

I cringe a little when these “do over” ceremonies attempt to outdo the original for grandeur, but I guess that’s better than the succinctness of completely laid-back vows like “Whatever,” “As if” or “Reverend, you really haven’t read the prenup, have you?”

Some folks are better than others at handling their guests with tact. (“I feel so privileged that I have had 30 years to spend with my soulmate. As for those of you who have experienced your third divorce or had your life partner clobbered by a bus or been so butt-ugly that your dog wouldn’t play with you if you didn’t have a porkchop tied around your neck…well, you do you.”)

Maybe this is just an innocent attempt to share their joy with loved ones, but I suspect for some it’s a display of narcissism and ego fortification. (“I take this woman as my wife again. And I can still drive a stick! And the periodic table of elements…well, two out of three ain’t bad.”)

There’s something a little sad about the accessories for a vow renewal. Having things that are old, new and blue aren’t such a big deal; but the something borrowed is often an accumulation of student loans, mortgages and credit card debt.

Many couples with hazy memories of their hormone-infused initial honeymoon labor under the illusion that they can replicate the passion on subsequent trips. Granted, many of them do behave like teenagers. (“My hours of scrolling my cellphone have revealed all the vape shops in the area. Put some pajamas over that see-thru nightie and let’s go!”)

I quickly surmised that I am not part of the target audience of most of the travel articles I encountered. Subtle clues included phrases such as “Make sure the staff has fumigated the room after Harry and Meghan’s departure” and “Egad! Don’t forget to pack a spare yacht.”

In some ways, it’s probably best to plow new territory instead of returning to the site of past glories. Some people tend to be needy about their exploits being legendary. (“Um, the hottest mama and the manliest stud ever? Doesn’t ring a bell. Maybe the night clerk will remember…”)

“The sooner the better” is probably good advice for second honeymoons. Tie the trip to a big promotion, your 20th anniversary or the achievement of “empty nest” status. Wait too long and you could be wandering around muttering, “Now why did I come to this exotic locale? Was it to experience a once-in-a-lifetime adventure, or was it to fix a sandwich? I hate it when this happens.”

I would share some more observations, but the words that officially pass my wife’s lips are “Finish that column and get to bed or your next getaway will be to a second doghouse…”

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Copyright 2025 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”