Tyrades! by Danny Tyree

My son recently interviewed for an internship as part of his master’s degree program in engineering management.

We’re still waiting for news, but it started me thinking about the whole phenomenon of job interviews.

Back in the late Fifties, when my father was manager of a farmers cooperative, a young man showed up to interview for a job. Unfortunately, it was an overwhelmingly busy day.

Dad informed him the customers always came first and that any interviews would have to wait until he was caught up.

Rather than stand around, the young man worked up a sweat “shadowing” Dad around the warehouse and loading dock – grabbing 100-pound sacks of fescue seed here, 100-pound sacks of dairy feed there, and don’t forget the 100-pound sacks of ammonium nitrate fertilizer…

Once they were finally caught up, the young man meekly inquired again about the interview.

Dad (operating less in a “Where do you see yourself in five years?” mode than a “How the @#$%^ do I see myself surviving that next swarm of farmers?” mode) replied, “You’ve already had your interview. You’re hired.”

Not all job interviews are so physically demanding, but they are mentally stressful enough that numerous websites offer “disregard this at your own peril” pointers.

Job candidates in a competitive market need every advantage, but many applicants torpedo themselves with tardiness, poor hygiene or inappropriate clothing. Some hit the trifecta. (“Sorry I’m late, but I finally had to give up on brushing my teeth after I dislocated my shoulder wrestling this ‘Party Naked’ shirt away from that homeless guy.”)

Another big mistake: failing to do any research at all about the company for which you allegedly want to work.

Yes, this “cold call” approach can lead to some embarrassing conversations. (“You manufacture what? Get outta here! You mean people still buy that crap???”)

Badmouthing past employers is another faux pas. (“All old man Wilson could do was blab about his stupid Rotary Club award. It wasn’t that much fancier than…the one on your…bookcase…”)

The unforced errors can keep on coming even after the interview concludes. Some people just can’t resist splashing premature announcements all over their social media account. (“I had her eating right out of my hand. Wait…they check every applicant’s online profile? Guess I’ll be eating right out of my parents’ basement fridge for a while longer.”)

Some applicants forget the cardinal rule that you’re supposed to send your interviewer a thank-you note after the meeting. Sometimes the effects of this ingratitude mushroom. (“The plant manager kept his office door locked when I went to hound him. And when I got back to my car, my grandmother had repossessed all the seat cushions and air fresheners I never thanked her for!”)

In closing, I should point out that the young man my father hired on the spot would – some 25 years later, at a different business — be the executive who got me transferred from the factory floor to be part of his data-processing team.

Yes, it’s a small world.

Luckily, it’s just big enough that there are still places you can go where you’re NOT bombarded with questions like “What are your biggest strengths and weaknesses?,” “Why do you want to work here?,” “Why should we hire you?,” “What do you consider your greatest failure?” and “How many 100-pound bags of HR reprimands can you bench-press?”

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Copyright 2025 Danny Tyree, distributed by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”