Cagle World

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

They’ve tried fire and robots and domes and booms and drones and boxes and rosary beads and even pantyhose stuffed with human hair, but so far nothing has slowed the Deepwater Horizon oil spill from creeping towards our Southern Coast like a drunken lobbyist staggering towards a free seafood buffet. And almost as ugly. This maritime miasma promises to be the most monumental attack of sludge to hit American shores since Ann Coulter’s most recent book.

Cartoon by Bill Schorr - Cagle Cartoons (click to purchase)

Hard to say what frightens Gulf Coast residents more; the toxic slick bearing down on their shore or the administration’s guarantee that our government is poised and ready to swoop in with federal assistance. It worked so well after Katrina. The kind of news that prompts residents to wake screaming — bathed in sweat — from nightmares of FEMA loading trucks full of mutant hair sausages never to be delivered. And ice. But never let it be said that Congress doesn’t know how to exploit a crisis. They’ve leaped into action and appointed a panel.

The one positive to come out of this amphibious affliction (besides never hearing another New Orleans restaurant say they are out of blackened redfish) is we can expect to hear a lot fewer of those strident rallying cries of “Drill, Baby, Drill” this election year. They’ve already given way to the more muted “Cap, Baby, Cap,” and threaten to digress into “Tax, Baby, Tax.” Right now though, those responsible seem to be sticking like shrimp to otter fur with “Prevaricate, Baby, Prevaricate.”

BP, which apparently stands for Brainless Pinheads, first announced the seepage from the MC252 well (isn’t that cute) was barely a couple of drips. Nothing to worry about. More oil pooled on your average garage floor. Then it bounced up to 1,000 barrels a day, then 2,000, and now that we’re obviously in gushing territory estimates are not really useful anymore. Numbers can be so misleading.

Chemicals were sprayed on the leak to disperse it, but that was curtailed because the dispersant might be doing more harm than good. They don’t know. Oh, good. Turns out, these guys don’t know a lot. They won’t even say what’s in the dispersant because it’s proprietary. All they can reveal is it’s not harmful. However, if you do happen to get a smidgeon on your skin, you immediately want to flush it with a bleach bath. That they know.

You’d think a company that makes its living poking holes in the bottom of seas would have a plan to close them back up, wouldn’t you? Well, you’d be wrong. Actually, you’d be half wrong. They do have means. Using technology they’re required to install when drilling in other countries. Not here, though. We encourage voluntary participation. And let the industry write the regs. And then pray to the oil fairies.

Maybe this will signal an end to our bowing down to the fossil fuel gods. Maybe Obama will seize this reprehensible moment to carve out an anti-carbon strategy and the whole country will rise as one and demand a national policy based on clean energies and shared sacrifice. Yeah. And maybe ring-tailed squirrel monkeys will replace hockey referees during playoff games. Its times like these that make you wish hari-kari had become a corporate CEO global tradition.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who often writes. This being a dazzling example. Catch him at the Crest Theatre on Saturday May 8, www.thecrest.com, 1013 K St., Sacramento, Calif. 95814, 916.442.5189. And his one-man show, “The Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion” on Friday, May 14 at the Holly Springs Cultural Arts Cente. 300 West Ballentine St., Holly Springs N.C. 27540. 919.577.1660. New CD, “Raging Moderate” from Stand Up! Records now available on both iTunes and Amazon.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Got to admit, didn’t find the Icelandic volcano spewing its guts over the last couple of weeks very upsetting. Of course, if you were one of the thousands forced to get up close and personal with airport terminal linoleum for days on end, I heartily apologize, but encourage you to consider it a small price to pay for our species’ conceit. The belching of Eyjafjallajokull was a cautionary notice to not take humankind too seriously. We may think we run things around here, but we don’t really run things around here.

Cartoon by Adam Zyglis - Buffalo News (click to run it in your publication)

I kind of like it when the planet kicks back. Jogs our memory. Re-establishes who’s the real boss. Our seemingly somnambulant landlord may appear to have nodded off in the midst of our noisy shenanigans but we should never forget it’s a light sleeper, ubiquitously omnipresent and equipped with weapons that make atomic bombs look like dime-store novelties.

What’s most surprising is the lack of terrestrial retaliation. We’re perpetually plundering the home of our host. Poking and prodding and stripping away the upper crust and excavating precious jewels and minerals hidden within. I would have called the entire human population a cab and kicked us out a couple of eons ago. No, really. Eons. A Sherwin-Williams lava flood during the Mesozoic Era would have done the trick nicely. We could easily have been the first victims of Colony Collapse Disorder.

All we do is pillage. And loot. And ransack. And turn up the thermostat without permission. So a wake-up call like this is kind of bracing. A reminder that we’re all just fleas on a rock. Very busy fleas running around a highly volatile rock perhaps, but still tiny mites clinging to a roundish boulder hurtling through space at fantastic speeds trying to hold on and not poop our pants.

It’s a relief when the evidence that our planet is a sentient being and capable of throwing poison into our air and turning villages into pools of fire and hurling stones the size of houses a mile across the sky is only an inconvenience. You can be a tertiary curmudgeon, and still not a huge fan of people dying in large numbers like with a hurricane or an earthquake, or a tsunami or another Billy Crystal movie. All of which seem to be happening a bit more often than what should be normal as of late, or is our ability to instantly view those disasters in high def on YouTube just freaking me out?

And wasn’t it a bit of the old ironic that with all the airports the ash cloud shut down around the world, Reykjavik’s Keflavik International Airport, situated just west of Eyjafjallajokull, stayed wide open — safe from the east-spreading, engine-clogging cloud. Or was this simply Iceland playing out its financial death rattle and scattering the ashes of its economy over Europe?

Or maybe the planet has finally grown weary of our poaching thievery and is demanding a series of human sacrifices. And speaking of unspeakable larceny, I’d like to nominate the CEO of Goldman Sachs to be jettisoned into the caldera by golden parachute. Lloyd Blankfein, who deserves the grateful thanks of a nation for finally giving a face to smug. And then to be safe, we humanely capture Bjork, tag an ear and ship her back up north to soothe our savage landlord. Lady Gaga?

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who often writes. This being a conspicuous example. Catch him hosting “The Green Collar Comedy Show” on Showtime all this month. Funnyfest. Calgary, Alberta. April 29 – May 2. Funnyfest.com. 403.228.7888. New CD, “Raging Moderate” from Stand-Up Records now available on both iTunes and Amazon.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Hard to feel much sympathy for the Republicans and the sloppy pool of tizzy they high-dived into. Perplexed as how to combat financial regulatory legislation, they are bouncing back and forth between a filibuster and a compromise like a ping-pong ball in a stainless steel shower stall. Their banker buddies have pushed hard to oppose any and all restrictions, placing the GOP in the unenviable position of having to defend Wall Street during an election year. Might want to practice by going to Sea World and rooting for the sharks to eat the dolphins in front of your kids.

Cartoon by John Cole - Scranton Times-Tribune (click to purchase)

At first, the party-line strategy was to affirm a unified opposition to the bill because it helped Wall Street. By regulating it. Yeah. Okay. Well, nobody said it was going to be an easy sell. All 41 GOP senators signed a letter proclaiming steadfast opposition to any overhaul and if they had to shut down the process, they were prepared to do so. It was going to be Health Care II, pertaining to something that distressed their constituents even more than their health. This was about money.

The banking industry then engaged in a full frontal assault: “It’ll hurt the economy.” You know what, if self-delusion were sand, these guys would be the Gobi Desert. What planet have they been living on for the last two years? Boys, do yourselves a favor; put down the Financial Times, pick up a local newspaper, and read about communities forced to cut such non-essential services as fire and police while you’re racking up bonuses larger than those communities’ shortfalls. Science has yet to develop instruments capable of measuring this kind of arrogance. We need a new scale.

Mitch McConnell and his ilk continued to give it the old college try; the Senator from Kentucky was locked in a “bailout” loop, muttering, shouting, whispering it into Mrs. Senate Minority Leader McConnell’s ear. One unofficial estimate has him repeating the word “bailout” 3,847 times on April 19, 2010. A blatant attempt to tie into the GOP’s revisionist history of Wall Street’s bailout being just another example of Obama’s socialist agenda: conveniently forgetting that a Republican administration proposed the bailout and Mr. McConnell and all his friends voted for it. Great, something new to worry about — a collective senior moment.

The game-changer award goes to the SEC, jumping into the ring like a wrestling cohort in street clothes, charging Goldman Sachs with bilking investors out of a billion dollars via a CDO designed to fail. This scattered the arm-locked ranks like a keg of tequila with a leaky spigot rolled into an AA meeting. We, the vast unwashed public, wondered if they’re willing to screw their own customers, what untold horrors were held in store for us? The commission’s commissioners claim the timing was purely co-incidental. Unh-hunh. And chlorine-soaked wood splinters make for excellent eye swabs.

The original idea for the New Obstructionists was to keep repeating the mantra that “guvmint is bad” and hope the voters never notice they have become their own best argument. Yeah, sure, Washington is broken. You bang on a monument with sledgehammers long enough, eventually everyone becomes blind from marble dust. But now the GOP has to stumble back into those ruins and somehow look supportive doing it. Hope they brought their swim goggles.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who often writes. This being a conspicuous example. Catch him hosting “The Green Collar Comedy Show” on Showtime all this month. Rooster T. Feathers April 20-23, 2010; 157 West El Camino Real, Sunnyvale, Cal. 408.736.0921. roostertfeathers.com. Funnyfest. Calgary, Alberta. April 29- May 2. Funnyfest.com. 403.228.7888 New CD, “Raging Moderate” from Stand- Up Records now available on both iTunes and Amazon.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

President Obama turned from the domestic third-rail issue of health care to the international radioactive subject of dirty-bomb terrorism by hosting a nuclear summit in D.C., convincing the leaders of 47 countries to attend — presidents and prime ministers and kings and queens and a couple of expendable pawns. No bishops, they have their own problems these days. Pretty much all the cogs in the atomic machine showed up except North Korea and Iran, which admittedly is like holding a steroids conference without Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire, but hey, it’s a START.

Cartoon by Paresh Nath - The Khaleej Times (click to purchase)

The focus was on security, an encouraging sign, since the global stockpile of bomb-making materials is now large enough for 120,000 suitcase nukes. Which most experts agree is about 120,000 too many. It wasn’t a total Potemkin summit. Everyone agreed that terrorism is bad and nuclear terrorism is real bad, and working with one another is good and they should all meet again in South Korea in 2012 if the Mayans aren’t right.

Took 60 years to assemble this pile of mutually assured destruction. Going to take at least a couple of meetings to get rid of it. Only nine members in the nuclear club right now. But a lot of wannabees. And since you can’t tell your nuclear players without a Nuclear Players Scorecard, here they are, with official Threat Level grading.

WILL DURST’s NUCLEAR PLAYERS SCORECARD

United States. Have weapons. Duh. But we’re not the problem because we’re the good guys. TL: Dove of peace flying under the rainbow of international co-operation.

Russia. Have weapons and big problem. Leakier than a tinfoil sieve after 3 days of target practice on a 50mm range, and the world’s largest source of loose nukes. TL: Giant Bear with flame thrower, roaming woods while being chewed on by Balkan squirrels.

China. Have weapons. Concerned only with economic strength. Need to convince them an irradiated consumer is not a repeat consumer. TL: Drunken Panda staggering through a shopping mall with a fistful of short-fused flares.

United Kingdom. Have weapons. Not quite positive where they are. In the garden shed of their lake-country home perhaps. TL: Your Aunt Gertrude with a bagful of knitting needles on the subway.

Pakistan. Have weapons and worried we pay too much attention to India. As stable as a two-legged stool. TL: Swarm of angry wasps inside a papier mache tent on fire.

India. Have weapons and worried we pay too much attention to Pakistan. Don’t you hate lovers’ spats? TL: Sacred bull in a china shop full of crystal decanters stoppered to the rim with nitro.

Germany. No nuclear weapons. But if they really need some all they have to do is knock on France’s door and ask to borrow a couple. TL: A domesticated wolf on an ankle bracelet, but a wolf nonetheless.

France. Have weapons, but more interested in discovering ways to use them to braise lamb. TL: Carnivorous escargot in a mine field.

Israel. Everybody knows they have weapons, but they won’t admit it and haven’t tested any. Making a scary situation scarier. TL: Tasmanian Devil tethered to a water soluble stake in the rain.

North Korea. Have weapons. But delivery system is a team of musk oxen. TL: Electric Cuckoo Clock made out of C-4 with faulty wiring.

Iran. No weapons, but definitely in the market for a fixer- upper. TL: Cigar-smoking pit bull headed straight for the fireworks factory.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who often writes. This being a glaring example. Catch him hosting Showtime’s “The Green Collar Comedy Show,” starting Thursday April 22 at 9 p.m. And don’t forget his new CD, “Raging Moderate,” from Stand-Up Records, now available on both iTunes and Amazon.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

It doesn’t matter whether you’re a Glenn Beck-quoting, gun-toting, Tea Party-voting Evangelical, or a solar-heating, tofu-eating, New York Times crossword puzzle-cheating Environmentalist, you still got to admire the way the president breathed life into the health care reform bill. It was a gosh-darn miracle. Coming right at the advent of the Holy Season. Coincidence? Well, yeah, okay, probably. But. still.

Cartoon by Taylor Jones - PoliticalCartoons.com (click to purchase)

Think of the wondrous accomplishments he’s already racked up, like casting out the unclean spirit that controlled John McCain and changing the inevitability of Hillary Clinton into a whine, and you’ve made a pretty good case for the second coming of that Jewish hippie kid who pissed off the Romans so much a couple centuries ago. Although fully 25 percent of Republicans believe the President is the Anti-Christ, it seems most of us agree he has supernatural powers; we just can’t agree as to whether they come from above or below.

Don’t forget Obama won the Nobel Prince of Peace Prize after being in office only 12 days before nominations were closed. Then consider a black man walking on the waters of racial dissension to the promised land of the White House. If those aren’t bolts shot through the clouds straight out of heaven, what are? Obama is even credited by surviving members of The Grateful Dead for getting the band back together last year. So not only did he raise health care from the dead, he also raised the Dead from the dead. Red, blue or purple, you got to admit, that’s good.

Come to think of it, there are quite a few similarities between POTUS and that Nazareth carpenter’s son. Both born in semi-tropical climes. In mangers. To virgins. One was visited by three wise men, another spends time with Rahm Emmanuel. The two undoubtedly were equally hated by classmates for ruining the curve in 5th grade social studies. They both disappeared for about a dozen years to work as community activists. One had an acolyte named Lincoln, the other a disciple named Kennedy.

Jesus forgave his crucifiers. Obama forgave the Salahis. Mary’s son healed the lame while Ann’s son calmed the turbulent Democrats. Artists throughout time have depicted the Savior with overly large ears similar to the Defying Hawaiian. And spiritual followers alter time itself in reference to their particular philosopher king’s existence. AD & AO (After Obama); 2008 marking the beginning of the New New Testament.

Light of the World or not, the only question Americans are interested in is, “What have you done for us lately?” If he wants to extend his realm here on earth (or D.C.), he’s going to have to pick up the pace and replicate further feats outside the bounds of natural law. Such as driving out the money lenders. Or at least quieting the stormy seas of Wall Street. True believers are holding out for a campaign of casting a few or five demons from the Supreme Court.

Of course, feeding the multitudes is always nice: you know, like about 310,000,000 US citizens, 9.7 percent of whom are still out of work. I imagine healing the leper that is the U..S economy right now might be too much to ask. Then again, what was it that Deadheads used to say outside of venues: “I Need a Miracle”? We’re all Deadheads these days. Just stay away from the brown antacid.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who writes sometimes, this being an apparent example. His new CD, “Raging Moderate,” released this week from Stand-Up Records, is available both on ITunes and Amazon. And don’t forget, he’s hosting Showtime’s “The Green Collar Comedy Show” on Thursday, April 22 at 9 p.m.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

Otto von Bismarck said, “Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.” Sausages? We would have loved to have seen some sausages. We would have killed for sausages. As any Wisconsin boy can tell you, sausages cooked indirectly over mesquite coals until crispy blistered, then slathered with Stadium Sauce and nestled in butter- grilled buns under a layer of fried onions can taste pretty darn yummy.

Cartoon by Pat Bagley - Salt Lake Tribune (click to purchase)

What we got was cut-rate, irate hot dogs. The ugly spectacle of Congressional wieners pummeling each other over health care was as appetizing as mixing snail guts and lizard tripe and cephalopod eyeballs with sour cream and yellow food dye then serving it on a fungus-covered bark chip. And no, I’m not talking about the spinach dip at The Olive Garden.

This isn’t a “pox on both their houses” deal either. Like psychic vultures sensing imminent putrefaction, Republicans amplified their pontificating protestations to a high- pitched squeal; piercing enough to annoy canines all across this great Northern Hemisphere of ours. In the throes of a pseudo-religious ecstasy, one Texas Republican chummed the waters by calling a Michigan Democrat “Baby Killer” on the floor of the House, frenzying his posse of nitwit accomplices into hurling the N-word, the F-word, half a dozen bricks, a handful of death threats, several mouths full of red hot spittle, gum wrappers, a jewel encrusted black ceramic bird (the stuff that dreams are made of, two faxed nooses and possibly a bullet.

The conservative party-line claimed their Neanderthals were simply playing catch-up to the health care proponents’ lead-mitten handling of the issue, and they suggested Democrats kill the bill to quell the rising tempers. That’s right. Fan the flames of stupidity then blame the other side for the scorching climate (different from global warming). If Republican gall were congealable, we could dam the Caribbean.

And it’s STILL not over. To say the GOP is not taking this defeat lying down is like saying freeze-dried mustard clumps make for substandard Q-Tips. Within 10 minutes of the president signing the bill, a deluge of 14 state legislatures began to challenge the bill’s constitutionality. And you wonder why getting anything done in this country is like trying to shovel sand with a pitchfork.

Republicans vowed to go down swinging, and they’re probably not talking about hiking the Appalachian Trail with each other’s wives. Let’s be frank: not a single member of the minority voted for the health care bill. Not one. That’s not a political party, that’s the Borg. “RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.” The reanimated Halloween pumpkin that is Sen. Mitch McConnell remains determined to continue the construction of his cement wall of obstructionism turning “The Party of No” into “The Party of Hell No,” veering dangerously close to “The Party of Screw You!”

People may mock Obama for his Messianic glaze, but you got to relish this resurrection of health care which makes Lazarus risen look like a third-grade magician’s trick. Focus a telescope and you can make out the scuff marks on the bill’s knees from where it climbed out of the morgue drawer. Maybe now we should try handing the president seven loaves and seven fishes and see what he does with that. Or better yet, seven loaves and seven sausages.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who writes sometimes, this being an example. His new CD, “Raging Moderate,” released this week from Stand-Up Records, is available both on ITunes and Amazon. And don’t forget, he’s hosting Showtime’s “The Green Collar Comedy Show” on Thursday, April 22 at 9 p.m.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.

Raging Moderate, by Will Durst

This health care thing has driven people crazier than Johnny Depp in a Max Fleischer cartoon on acid. Pro or con, your rhetoric better be cranked up to eleven and soaring past the outer orbit of Neptune, or you’re going to be as invisible as a tax collector with a soggy paper plate full of Swedish meatballs sitting next to the deceased at a wake.

Cartoon by Daryl Cagle - msnbc.com (click to purchase cartoon)

Talk-show host Rush Limbaugh jumped into this peculiar March Madness feet-first, threatening to leave the U.S. should health care reform pass. He must realize for a lot of people, that’s a big win-win. And if the prospect of his permanently playing ex-pat doesn’t motivate progressives, nothing will. He even mentioned Costa Rica as a possible destination. Where they have universal heath care. Just like every industrialized country in the world. Although your access to Oxycontin may vary.

Eric Massa, the New York Democrat who admitted grabbing a staffer’s staff, embarked on a media-based whining tour charging he was hounded out of office by the White House and smeared because of his opposition to health care reform. But even though he was willing to speak ill of the administration, Glenn Beck washed his hands of Tickle-Me Eric, after the former Congressman trotted out some intra-personal top-bunk Naval snorkeling documentation. When a pissed-off Democrat is too far gone for Glenn Beck, things truly have escalated into kooky Kabuki terrain.

Meanwhile, in another part of town, Sen. Orrin Hatch railed that if Democrats try to jam a health care bill through Congress it will destroy bipartisanship. Oh, no. Not that! They’re killing the dodo. Apparently this guy is more worried about a dead fantasy than sick Americans. Then Sen. Mitch McConnell ratcheted up the exponential wackiness by warning Democrats they face Electoral Armageddon in the fall, which isn’t fair; like regaling 6-year-old girls with tales of the hairy spiders that live under their bed before saying “sleep tight.”

Obama, his own self, can be found careening around the country like an over-caffeinated Chihuahua engaged in a last-ditch effort to sell the bill to what you might call his hesitant posse. Yeah. Recalcitrant Democrats. What are the odds? Like calling a flash flood irksome. Hell, at this point Obama would be happy to pass anything. Health care. The jobs bill. A hook pattern. Kidney stone. Toyota Prius.

The overwhelming discombobulating apprehension is the president isn’t just piloting his own kamikaze fighter into the carrier of health care, he’s sending vulnerable troops on the same suicide mission. One that will make Gallipoli look like a weekend pass at an Istanbul brothel. After all, it’s not his butt on the re-election line this fall, and the GOP strategy to stall proceedings has frothed Democratic incumbents into such a lather, the sweat dripping off their faces is shorting out microphones all across this great land of ours.

Now we’re hearing the target passage date might be a bit more elastic than the waistband of a RINO’s tutu. The good news is sooner or later, this bill will either become law or not become law and everybody can settle back down to their normal routine of accusation, obfuscation, and procrastination until Election Day. But until then, keep taking your vitamins; this health care debate seems to be making a lot of people sick.

—–

Will Durst is a San Francisco-based political comic who writes sometimes. This is an example. Ask for his new one-man show, “The Lieutenant Governor from the State of Confusion,” to appear at a performing arts center near you, or catch him in stand-up mode at the Acme Comedy Club in Minneapolis March 23-27. His new CD, “Raging Moderate,” will be available from Stand-Up Records March 23.

Copyright ©2010, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Call Cari Dawson-Bartley at 800-696-7561 or e-mail [email protected]. Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. E-mail Will at [email protected]. Check out willandwillie.com for the latest podcast. Will Durst’s book, “The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing,” is available from Amazon and better bookstores all over this great land of ours. Don’t forget to check out his rooftop comedy minutes at: http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/shows/BurstOfDurst.