Spending wisely

[cartoon id="281289"] Let us not be too particular about getting things at thrift stores. I would rather have secondhand gold bars than none. I’m one of those people who shows up after all the gold bars are gone (thanks a lot, you guys). But that doesn’t keep me from looking out for bargains. All that glitters is not gold, but sometimes it’s half-priced silverware. I have a reason for doing this. The more money I put into retirement, the more it feels like I’m saving up for bankruptcy. Enough is enough. If I want to be able to achieve my modest middle-class dream of buying a castle, I have to be more frugal. Castles are terrific. They’re imposing. They have ramparts, which are the things o’er you watch, and you can put cannon on them. The cannon are especially important because I have annoying relatives. My relations are small in number, but that doesn’t prevent them from being huge nuisances. They like coming over to eat, not because I cook well, but because I live near several great sushi restaurants. So I end up blowing all the money I’ve saved on not buying gold bars on buying fish. No matter how you look at it, that’s a raw deal. But this would not be a problem if I lived in a castle, even if it was a castle near some sushi restaurants. If I heard a relative’s car pull in, the next thing everyone else would hear would be BOOM, wheeeeee…. KABLOOEY! No relatives, no sushi, no problems. There might be a hole where the car’s engine was, but there wouldn’t be a hole in my wallet. Look, I’m not asking for a large castle. A little one would be fine. I have yet to find a budget castle in a thrift store. Maybe it’s time for Plan B. Instead of saving enough money to get things, I could always make more. It may have been Benjamin Franklin who said, “Money makes money. And the money that makes money makes more money.” You know what I think? I think he got paid by the word. Even if Ben Franklin didn’t coin that phrase, it’s a good one. If you skip buying a five-dollar coffee once a week, you only save $260 in a year. That’s good, but it won’t buy you any gold bars. Mars bars, maybe. The better solution is to create, say, an e-commerce site that could sell anything and stream entertainment. The only caveat is you had to do it 30 years ago. But I am undeterred. All I have to do is create a product that invents a need. For example, bathroom slippers. This is how I’d spin it. Regular slippers get dirty, walking on unsanitary bathroom floors. Clean people, smart people, wear Alex’s Sanitary Sandals for a trip to the commode! I admit the name could use some work, as could the concept. But there’s a billion-dollar idea. Okay, a million-dollar idea. How about two bucks? I admit those shoes do not sound stylish. But at least I’m making an effort. Besides, they’d go great with my castle. - Copyright 2024 Alexandra Paskhaver, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate. Alexandra Paskhaver is a software engineer and writer. Both jobs require knowing where to stick semicolons, but she’s never quite; figured; it; out. For more information, check out her website at https://apaskhaver.github.io.